Inside My Mind

I FED MY MOM TODAY

It started out just like any other day over the past three years. I had my schedule. I would go by the nursing home on my way to work and feed my mother breakfast. When I took my lunch break, I would go back by the nursing home and feed her lunch. When I got off work, I would stop in and feed her supper. The staff had it set up so that her feeding times would coincide with my availability times. Yes, this has been my life for the past three years but this is my mother!!! How could I not do it? She means the world to me. Over the past three years, I've watched my mother's health deteriorate. Some days when I would stop by to feed her, she would eat 30 - 50 % of her food with 50% being the most. My thoughts were that getting something in her was better than nothing at all, so I would gladly take 50%. As time went on, I grew weary. I was getting tired. After all, I've been doing this for the past three years. From being around the home for as long as I have, I knew not to walk through those doors with any type of expectations - this way you don't run the risk of being disappointed. There were times I've gone by there and Mom kept her eyes closed the whole time that I was there. I knew that she wasn't asleep but I guess she just wasn't feeling well. I go and deal with what I see on a daily basis. Like I said, the past three years I've seen my Mom's appetite and health go real low, but I go and feed her what I can. Mom's health has declined so badly that I didn't think she would be around as long as she has. I know that nothing is going to change so I hold fast to the fact that I must feed Mom.
When I finally got home I went through my routine of getting my clothes ready for the next day and going to bed.
The next morning I awoke with one thought on my mind, and that was I've got to feed Mom. So I got ready and started out for the home. This day, I thought, is just like all of the others, and so I pushed on.
When I arrived at the home I was saying to myself, "I wonder what would Mom be up to today? How would she be feeling? And what kind of mood would she be in?" I parked the car in the dark parking lot and made my way up to the lighted front entrance. As I got to the front door, for some strange reason, I hesitated before I opened the door. I stopped right there and thought,"now what was that about?" I went on. I went down the long hallway that led to my mother's room. When I got to her room, I hesitated for no apparent reason. I turned the knob and opened the door. When I stepped into the room, I saw a sight I had not seen in three years. My mom was sitting straight up in bed with eyes wide open. She called me by name, something she hadn't done in a long time. She said to me, "Come in, I've been waiting on you. And by the way, I'm hungry." I told her, "I will be right back." I then went and got her food. When I returned to the room Mom said, "Honey pull up a chair and sit down'" and I did. I began to feed her and she began to talk. She started telling me about herself and she started back to when she was old enough to remember things. I was caught off guard. My bottom jaw just dropped. She began to tell me about when she was a little girl, she told me about her mother, father, brothers, and sisters. She told me about how times were back then. I got so engrossed that I forgot about time. This stuff was so interesting that I just called out from work. I had never seen my mother like this before and I just couldn't pass up this opportunity. She told me things about herself and her family that she had never told me before or that I had known. I stayed there and listened to my mother through breakfast and lunch and she talked the whole time even though some times it looked as though she would not take a breath between words. I could not tear myself away if I wanted to. I was taking it all in. She also told me about all of the crafts that she had learned and how to make and use them. She left no stone unturned about her life. It was late over into the evening when Mom layed back on her pillow . She looked over at me with an expression on her face that I had never seen before. She said, "Baby, I'm tired. I think I'm going to sleep now." I said, "Okay Mom." I needed to be getting on home anyway. At this point I started feeling uneasy because this day was not like any other. Mom laid back and drifted off to sleep. I looked over at her before I left the room and she had this soft sweet smile on her face, a smile like no other smile that I had seen before. I turned out the light, told her that I loved her and closed the door. Still reeling from all that had taken place today, it finally dawned on me and it was very plain to see; I came here to feed my mom today and she ended up feeding me!!! I got home that night still thinking about all of the things that my mom had to say, and crawled into bed after I had gotten my clothes ready for the next day. Now I look at feeding Mom as a pleasure, not as a chore. Because I can't wait to get back there tomorrow to see if Mom has more. The phone rang about three o'clock in the morning. I hesitated to answer it because I really didn't want to hear what the other person on the other end had to say. Oh, yeah, it was just as I thought. They were calling to inform me that Mom had passed away!!!.