In My Healing Era

Prologue My healing era didn’t begin abruptly. There was no health scare, job loss or empty nest. There was no big moment or realisation, more a series of nudges that invited change. The irony is, this slow, quiet realisation prompted a series of big life changes including an emotional low, the end of my 16-year marriage which meant a new home and business too. What began as a feeling of unease, progressed over a 10-year period to intense inner turmoil which I could no longer distract myself from. I tried for so long to suppress my feelings as I knew facing them, voicing them and acting upon them would cause a cataclysmic event for my loved ones. I’m sure there are many people (and not just women) who can resonate with suppressing their own feelings and needs because they believe they have a responsibility to keep the peace, not to disrupt or cause inconvenience to others. This is personified when you can’t even truly pinpoint exactly why you feel so unhappy. From the outside looking in, you have it all, a loving husband, incredible children, a beautiful home and a successful business. Every day, you wake up and role play this ‘perfect’ life, but you can’t shake the feeling. You tell no-one because the first thing they would ask is “why aren’t you happy?’ and you wouldn’t be able to answer with any clarity. So, you suppress, you carry on, you tell yourself to stop being silly, to just get on with it, but the feelings get stronger, and the internal noise gets louder. Feeling broken is a hopeless sentiment, feeling broken in silence is desolate. Emotions are eventually verbalised, first you may start to drop hints thinking it will be enough, subtle remarks slowly become emotional disconnection when they fall on deaf ears and before you know it years have passed where you no longer recognise yourself. You are a version of a person people expect you to be, but it feels so unaligned, so forced, so inauthentic. These were the nudges that invited change and so begun my healing era. There doesn’t have to be a seismic event for a healing era to begin, but take heed, once the quiet aches for change are honoured, healing may just cause a seismic event to take place!! This has certainly been my experience although I’m sure each emotional healing journey will be completely individual, just as physical healing is. Finally listening to my inner cries for change was initially met with much pain. Reality can be painful, but it shouldn’t be ignored. Once you are brave enough to confront your feelings, you are also creating space to process them and journey back to peace. If you read my first book Mind Body Miracle, published in 2017, you will know I have used journaling, not only as a method of introspection but to increase self-awareness, emotional processing and clarity of thought. Journaling has scientifically backed benefits from reducing stress and anxiety to faster physical healing, according to a 2013 study in Psychosomatic Medicine. What started as the ramblings of a mad woman (which was very nearly the title of this book) fast become daily documenting of my transition from pain, through processing and into peace: my healing Era. Healing is never linear, whether mental, emotional, physical or spiritual, it’s not a predictable journey from bad to better. Instead, it’s messy, cyclical and full of unexpected setbacks where you may be forced to visit old emotions and triggers, but with each cycle a deeper understanding is often gained, moving us closer to a healed response each time. I had absolutely no intention of sharing my journal entries with a wider audience but as the processing began, I found the courage to share them with close friends who found my words inspiring and gave me the confidence to publish them. My hope is you too will find comfort and inspiration in these pages. Whether you are feeling alone, unsupported, suffering, processing or in your very own healing era may my words echo in your mind and serve as a gentle prompt that you do not walk this path alone. May your boundaries become unapologetically strong, may you crave quiet more than chaos, may you respond and not react, and may your circle be full of kindness and understanding as opposed to drama and gossip, above all may you become the version of yourself you feel most at peace with. Let the Healing Era commence.