Note to SELF

Pillar 3. SUCCESS: REDEFINED "A successful life is one that is lived through understanding and pursuing one’s own path, not chasing the dreams of others." — Chin-Ning Chu The re-definition of success was huge for us. For years, we chased success the way we had been conditioned to: through external validation, achievements, career milestones, money, and status. We ticked off the conventional boxes, believing that was the path to happiness. But instead of feeling fulfilled, we felt exhausted, empty, and disconnected from our true selves. Success, as we had been taught, became a relentless pursuit—one that was never quite enough. We achieved one goal, and another instantly appeared on the horizon. It wasn’t until we questioned these definitions and shifted our perspective that we started to find what success truly meant for us. Our journey towards redefining success has been one of unlearning, reflection, and learning to value the things that actually make us feel whole. This chapter will explore that journey and provide ways for you to reshape your own view of success into something more meaningful and fulfilling. The Trap of Traditional Success Growing up, we were both high achievers. Good grades, recognition, and accomplishments became markers of our self-worth, gradually becoming intertwined with the traditional definition of success. Society reinforced this at every turn - success was about excelling in school, achieving visible milestones, climbing the career ladder, earning money and owning things. The expectation was clear—success was something external, measured by tangible achievements rather than personal fulfillment. Something to be attained rather than something to be felt. Aileen’s time in finance epitomized this. On paper, she was successful—making money, working in a high-status industry, surrounded by wealth. But internally, she felt empty, trapped in a high-pressure environment that prioritized output over well-being. The pursuit of financial success had been, at its core, a pursuit of freedom, but it came at a personal cost. Julie’s extensive travel, while an incredible experience, was often tinged with a sense of not measuring up to traditional success. And her ensuing career in documentaries seemed exciting on the surface—traveling the world, working with fascinating people. Yet, something still felt missing. Fear of failure kept her playing it safe, choosing tasks she knew she could master rather than pushing herself creatively. For her, success became more about proving competence and hitting recognised milestones than following passion. Both of us experienced a moment where we stopped and thought: Is this it? That moment was the beginning of our journey toward a different kind of success—one rooted in fulfillment, authenticity, and inner alignment rather than external validation. For us, success took on an entirely new meaning. We had to unlearn what we had been taught and take a step back to truly reflect on what success meant for us. It required shifting our focus away from external expectations and redefining our own markers of achievement. And it turned out that the things that made us feel good, like we'd really achieved something, had nothing to do with any kind of external or traditional markers. Instead, real success lay in overcoming personal milestones, growing into the people we wanted to be, and facing our fears head-on. Whether it was stepping out of our comfort zones, breaking limiting beliefs, or simply showing up as our true selves, those were the moments that felt like true victories. Signs You’re Chasing the Wrong Version of Success If success feels hollow, exhausting, or unattainable, you might be looking for it in the wrong places. These are some things we started to notice that helped us realize we needed to shift our focus: You constantly feel like you’re falling short, no matter what you achieve. Your accomplishments don’t bring the satisfaction you expected. You make decisions based on how they will be perceived rather than what feels right. Your self-worth is tied to productivity and achievement. You experience burnout or exhaustion from trying to “keep up.” You compare yourself to others and feel inadequate. You neglect personal well-being, relationships, or passions in pursuit of success. You feel unfulfilled despite ticking off all the traditional “success” markers. “To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." — Ralph Waldo Emerson What Else Can Success Look Like? This might be a tricky one at first because we’re so conditioned to see success in the traditional way with all of the markers that get external validation. If we redefine success to be more personal and fulfilling, it might look like: Feeling content and at peace in your daily life. Prioritizing relationships and being present with the people you love. Living in alignment with your values rather than chasing external validation. Having the courage to step out of societal expectations and follow your own path. Overcoming personal challenges and growing emotionally. Setting boundaries that protect your well-being. Finding joy in simplicity and everyday moments. Doing meaningful work, whether it’s paid or unpaid, that fulfills you. Honoring your creativity and passions, even if they don’t lead to conventional success. Success is deeply personal, and the most rewarding kind is one that brings you inner fulfillment rather than external applause. "If your success is not on your own terms, if it looks good to the world but does not feel good in your heart, it is not success at all." — Anna Quindlen Affirmations for an Authentic Success Mindset Redefining success isn’t easy. It’s a deeply ingrained framework both within ourselves and within society. Use these affirmations to start to unpick and reframe what success means to you: I define success on my own terms. My worth is not determined by my productivity. I allow myself to enjoy life without always striving for the next milestone. Growth, happiness, and fulfillment are my true markers of success. I trust my intuition to guide me toward what truly matters. I celebrate my small wins just as much as my big ones. Success is about how I feel, not just what I achieve.