Recipes for Healing

Chapter Two: Grieving and Shattered "The journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step." ~Lao Tzu, Ancient Chinese Philosopher I was forever the optimist or I was in denial, but I did not want to give up hope that somehow David was going to pull through this. He was on hospice care in our home, because he had had enough of hospitals and wanted his last days to be in his home, but still, I kept hoping and praying that we would receive a miracle. Everything was pointing to the fact that David would not be with us for much longer. A Wedding Our eldest son Marc and his fiance' Amy had their wedding planned for August and when we realized that David would not be there in August, they wanted to get married with David being able to witness it. On April 23rd in our bedroom, at the foot of the bed, Marc and Amy were married by our minister. David was fully aware and with our families all around witnessed a beautiful, but bittersweet ceremony. David even teased Marc afterward saying that he looked pretty sharp in his tie. Neither of them cared for ties that much so it brought a smile to both of them. I do not know how, but the families put together a little reception for Marc and Amy. The dining table was filled with an array of delicious foods, including shrimp cocktail, salads, finger sandwiches, and in the center was a small and very beautiful wedding cake surrounded by spring flowers. Even at that very moment, when things looked so bleak and a beautiful ceremony had just taken place, I kept thinking we would receive a miracle. Saying Goodbye Each member of the family took a turn spending a little time with David in our bedroom say whatever they wanted to each other. My brother Michael came to me after spending some time with him and told me that David had said to him that "everything was okay now." Apparently seeing Marc and Amy get married gave him a sense that everything was okay and I was so happy he was able to see it happen. I had been told by my family, friends and even hospice that I should tell David that it was okay for him to go, to give him permission, saying that I would be alright, but I could not. I did not want him to go, and I wasn't going to be okay. As I lay on the best next to him, I kept telling him how much I loved him and that I would always love him, over and over, and in the early hours of April 25th David died peacefully, knowing I would love him forever. I have no regrets as to how I handled his last few hours. I know that there are many who believe that to tell your loved one it's okay to go by giving them permission, but I am of the belief that whatever your relationship was with your loved one determines how they will die. Just how grief is unique to each person, for me this was the best way to handle his passing for both of us. The Aftermath For the next couple of days, I was in a form of disbelief that after twenty-two months of fighting this cancer he was now gone. I was fortunate that my family was all around me, making sure that I would eat something and remind to keep drinking water. I don't remember anything that I ate the day we lost him and the gentle coaxing of my family was the main reason I ate anything at all. Had I been on my own with no one reminding me to eat or drink, I'm pretty sure I would not have eaten anything at all. For a long time, I had no appetite at all. For others going through loss, eating is often times the only thing that brings them comfort. I have learned that when you are going through something traumatic like this, it is so important to "lean on and lean in" to whomever is there and wants to help. Let them do whatever they can for you. Also, if you don't feel like eating or simply can't, drink fluids on a regular basis. You'll need to do this going forward to give you the strength for the coming days ahead. My journey of a thousand miles began the day David died by taking that one single step, trying to figure out what to do and where to go f from here!