A Guru In The Jungle

I really didn’t want to write this book. However, Spirit kept bugging me about it, telling me to get it out of my system to heal and make sense of the incredibly painful experiences that have happened to me. As with my other books, I write so that others may benefit from these lessons I’ve learned. Ideally, I hope that I could help at least one reader to never put themselves in a position that I did and avoid the tremendous pain that I suffered. I needed to write this book just for me and my own healing, with no intention to get a reaction out of anyone or have to worry about what anyone is going to think of me. This is NOT a book to hurt anybody. This is a book to express MY hurt and to warn people NOT to do what I have done. I am not here to vilify anyone. I wrote this in “stream-of-consciousness” style – exactly what was going through my head at the time – so that I can release all my pain and anger and replace it with forgiveness and some humor. In my writing all these years, I’ve been telling people to “be your own Guru,” but I was NOT my own Guru when it came to dating and relationships. So, this book is a confession of sorts on how I completely and utterly gave my power away to other people … about holding a mirror to myself on how I have gotten to where I am now by not listening to my own guidance. That is the danger of giving your power away in all things. So, this book is my “swan song” about everything I've learned and to urge others that no matter what = Know thyself, have your boundaries, have your standards, and stick to them. My highest prayer is that somebody will benefit from all of this that you're about to read and not make those same mistakes that I did. That's the very least I can offer. No one can guarantee anyone a happy ending except the one you make for your own – moving on from this is part of my happy ending. I was my own Guru in the office, Guru being a mom, Guru with my food, and now I have to be the Guru of my dating and relationships and not get lost in my fears, insecurities, and past relationship trauma, which is exactly what happened. I completely and utterly lost my rationale and turned over all my power to others in a recent situation, because dating and relationships have always been the one area I never felt in control of, since I have another person involved – it’s not just me. There were moments that I had emotion completely overwhelm me. It was as if it was all happening in front of me, and I couldn’t do a thing to stop it. This book is huge for me. I will admit to all of it. Had I listened to myself, I wouldn't've gotten here. I listened to other people who were well-meaning and sincerely tried to help me. However, I had one person who I thought had my back, but ultimately betrayed and backstabbed me, admitting that they hurt and sabotaged me on purpose. So, this book is also about my healing and forgiveness for those who hurt me. I very well could have simply titled this, “Why I Am Still Single.” I feel like those of us “on the path” of self-improvement and spirituality seem to also sometimes be very empathic, introspective, self-aware, and over-thinkers. I know I am for sure. I take a longer time than most to analyze and process my thoughts and emotions. People like us have taken all sorts of workshops, read all the books, gone to counseling, done group therapy, taken classes, and are into all this “stuff,” but because we tend to also be highly sensitive and emotional, when the “fit hits the shan,” in romantic relationships, it seems like everything we’ve learned seems to go out the window. Ultimately, this book is not only about the human tragedy of betrayal, heartbreak, abandonment, rejection, emotional abuse, and humiliation, but it’s about digging deep inside yourself to find the Grace and Strength to learn the lessons, practice Forgiveness, and rise above it all. In the years during my divorce, I got into the habit of saving messages – I had to for the case. Therefore, it became second nature to me. Likewise, I got into the habit of taking pictures of my ingredients, preparation, and plating while cooking due to the two years I spent writing my last book on food. I save messages that are important to me in some way – good, bad, funny – I have them all, and re-created a few here to the best of my ability to be able to tell the story. The title referring to the “jungle,” is an homage to the Guns ‘N’ Roses hit song, “Welcome to the Jungle,” because I’m a child of the 80’s – in particular, “hair band” or “arena rock” music. Plus, the dating world IS quite the “jungle,” isn’t it? The lyrics go: "Welcome to the jungle. It gets worse here every day. You learn to live like an animal in the jungle where we play." I could not have written a better description of the dating scene today if I tried. Thank you for being a part of my happy ending. God bless you. Enjoy!