Unbecoming

Life does not start in a vacuum. All the surroundings available to you, your family and other relations, your family’s culture, and safety net – these are all signs of the cards you have been handed. Much like in a card game, you were not asked what cards you would like, or whether you can drop any of the cards in your hand so that you do not have to play them at all, unless of course the rules of the game accommodate such behavior. So, you don’t feel you control the circumstances in which you are born. Whether you are a royalty or slum dog, you did not have a say in the choice, it was simply imposed upon you. If you are helpless to begin with, you look for rather strong cards; they are your means of survival and future prosperity. Comfort, safety, protection, luxury of making bold choices – all these are feasible only if the cards support or permit you to take the risk. As a result, besides you, the cards you are dealt with are an important apriori consideration in what future might hold! ***** If you are among those who are reasonably successful in becoming, and you now realize that becoming does not give you lasting happiness or peace, should you consider all these years spent in becoming as wasteful? The answer is: No. Without becoming, or at least attempting to become, one cannot experience fully the unbecoming process. Without becoming, we would not have the experience that urges us to search for something better, more aligned to existential goals. Although unbecoming is not the same as unwinding the becoming, your perspective on life is impacted by what you have already achieved. Perhaps your gains in becoming can be leveraged to unbecome. Your wealth, for example, can be used for selfless pursuits. And the wisdom you have gained, and lessons learned, make the process of unbecoming rich and even quicker than it would otherwise be. ***** Generally, all sensory experiences have to do with temptations, stimuli in the environment that lure us to indulge into something. Online gaming sources, such as DraftKings and FanDuel, and dating services like Ashley Madison constantly wave their flag to catch more of us in the trap of temptations. What they are leveraging in their favor is the phenomenon that it is human nature to play with temptations. Conceptually, it is up to you to accept the invitation voluntarily, but this fact does not always protect you from taking the risk of indulging. Over time, we begin to believe that this play with senses may at times be pleasurable but is short-lived. It does not have permanence; what makes us happy now may not make us happy, or as happy, later. A definition of happiness resting on the sensory experience may be good enough for the embodied life, if that is the only thing we count on. Upon death, however, the sensory experience is stalled, for the experiencer is gone. If we focus on experiences in this lifetime, we are indeed centering on the external world as the primary source of stimuli. Being engaged in picking the stimuli and working with the after effects of indulgence is the primary human preoccupation with the external world. It is as if we are locked into this fragile definition of happiness, as if the only thing we can endorse is the current worldly life where happiness begins and ultimately ends. The dissatisfaction with life during the becoming stage is the beginning of unbecoming. Perhaps a mid-life crisis is a signal that you are getting tired of the worldly life, doubting if life is all about what you have done so far. You look back and ask: Does my past life make “sense?” And you look forward and ask: Is there more to it? What can I do to make my life worthwhile? Is there a sense of purpose to my life? What is my legacy? How do I write my own obituary that says I dedicated myself to a larger purpose? We wonder if all sensory experience is transient and without lasting benefit, and ask: Why not think of something better? If we cannot take beyond the embodied life the fruits of our hard work that helped us become, why not do something that would produce more lasting results? Midlife crisis strikes many if not all, normally between the age of 45 and 55. It seems like the nature’s way to give us an opportunity to reassess what we have become and if that was all we wanted. Purpose, mission, sense making of the past – these are what we search for when in midlife crisis. A higher level of awareness is difficult to achieve without such reflection, which in turn could result in a change in the direction of one’s life. Indeed, this is what could make one aware of the retreat as an option. You wonder: There is so much life left and more active steps to help the world do better are possible. ***** While a vast majority of us are busy becoming, there certainly are others who may be tuned to unbecoming from a very young age. For them, there may not be any need to inculcate awareness, for they are already aware because of their prior karma. They realize the need for money to support their lives, but in choosing their work-life, they sure want the opportunity to practice unbecoming by serving others in their role. ***** So, we come around full circle. Mindfulness brings to focus the meaning of life, what it is that we should endeavor to accomplish in the embodied life. When meaning is associated with the discipline of mindfulness, we are led to meditation. Devotion to support life in the universe requires embracing generosity and ejecting selfishness. In the end, the result is lasting happiness, a relief that we have invested our life in the best possible manner.