BullyProof Yourself & Your Kids

You Are Not Powerless “When people hurt you over and over, think of them like sandpaper. They may scratch and hurt you a bit, but in the end, you end up polished and they end up useless.” -Chris Colfer This book is to radically change your experience of a bully. It’s to help you get the target off of your back as a victim. It’s to help educate and prepare you, to keep bully tactics on your radar so you can recognize them the moment they appear. It’s to help you stop bullying yourself and others. This book is to help you meet and defeat a bully. If there is a bully in your life right now, or has been in the past, you already know that it can be earth shattering when they invade our family, the workplace, our schools, and our social circles. You have something inside of you that is stronger than you think—let’s find that. Inner Power If there are no heroes to save you, then you be the hero. -Denpa kyoshi What exists inside of us is a connection to the same pure intelligence that operates nature in all its glory and perfection. When we revert to our own True Nature, we are like a kid, playful, wise, belly laughing, inclusive, and genuine. How we know that to be true, is that when we are in those states, we feel natural. In these states we are coherent and when we’re coherent, we’re harmless, joyful and creative. We’re going to find that. Who Can Use This Book? Wrong is wrong even if everyone is doing it. Right is right even if no one is doing it. -St. Augustine The book will be helpful for: - Parents who have children who are being bullied - Adults who have been or are being bullied - Parenting groups - Schools - Organizations that work to prevent bullying - Bullies - Victims The Usual Anti-Bullying Strategies Are Not Enough Ask anyone who is being bullied. I thought he was going to kill me. -Anonymous Our youth are telling a story that needs to be heard so we can change the way we help them. The Youth Voice Research Project (2010) This study of just under 12,000 kids shows us that we have to redefine how we teach kids to deal with bullies. The study showed that: - Bullying got worse 49% of the time if the victim hit them or fought back but made it better 31% of the time. 20% of the time fighting back physically made no difference. - 41% of the time, telling the bully to stop made the bullying worse. It made it better 14% of the time. 46% of the time it made no difference. The Good News - Peers had an impact in bullying. The study shows that if a peer spent time with them, talked to them, helped them get away, gave them advice, and helped them tell someone, 44% and up said things got better. BullyProof Strategy Don’t Believe a Bully “Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.” — Mark Twain Bullies give terrible advice. They say things like, “You shouldn’t have been born.” Is a bully in charge of who should be born? They give you hateful, disapproving, and disgusted looks. Don’t believe them. Exercise: Sit quietly with your eyes closed in a spot you won’t be disturbed, and contemplate these questions, inviting yourself to connect to your inner wisdom: “Does it make sense to believe a bully?” It makes no sense to believe someone who wants to hurt you. Exercise: “But could the bully be right. I feel worthless sometimes.” If Creation (you insert the name of the one you worship) made us and put us here, it is disrespectful to Creation to think we don’t belong. BullyProof Strategy Act Like You Mean Business Worrying is like paying a debt you don’t owe. -Mark Twain It’s almost impossible not to worry about our kids as they go out into the world. We will worry less if we find ways to equip our kids with strategies that will help them: - You are less likely to be attacked (physically or verbally by a perpetrator or a bully) if you walk like you mean business with your head high and your spine straight. - Catch yourself with your shoulders rolled forward and push them back. Practice the ‘Superwoman/man stance’. If you have kids, you can teach them to walk like Superman or Superwoman on the way to the park. If you have older kids you can invite them to practice walking that way every time they walk from their bedroom to the front door and then all the way to school. BullyProof Strategy Turn Bullying Into Blossoming “If people throw stones at you, pick them up and build something.” -Unknown Nadia Sparkes, a (then) 12-year-old school girl from the U.K. was called Trash Girl by a group of bullies because she picked up trash and empty bottles on her way to school. Besides hurling insults at her, they also threw garbage and other objects at her. Nadia and her mom started a Facebook page called Team Trash Girl—they took the stones that were thrown at her and built something out of them! At this writing, she had 6.5K members! Exercise: How can you turn your experience into something that would help someone else? - Could you donate your time at anti-bullying organizations and share some of these strategies that worked for you? - Could you start a blog or social media page? - What can you do to lift yourself and others up and out of the reach of a bully?