Reflections
The Spiritual Struggles of a Non-Conformist
by
Book Cover & Preview Text
"This book is not a memoir about living with ADHD or other mental, physical or social ills. It's a treatise on self-identity and false beliefs. It's here to exemplify how I struggled and learned to cope with my uncommon life against all odds. Many people have experienced shame and regret about their past mistakes. Many people are self-judging. I hope I can help you get closer to the best in you; who you really are, not whom you think you are". Despite my mercurial ways, my mother always encouraged me to write. She praised my creativity. About 10 years before my mother transitioned at 82 years of age, she suggested I write a book about "my life. "You have had traumatic experiences; you have been places and done things many others have not," she said. I didn’t even consider it plausible. I knew my life was still screwed up. I didn’t want to embarrass her or my family. “I can’t,” I said. “It doesn’t have a happy ending yet.” But now I can.
Select Format
Book Details
About the Book
I am an impulsive non-conformist. I can't help it. I was born that way. Its in my DNA. I break the rules. There are consequences. Hell to pay. I claimed I was a free spirit but with reckless abandon I made costly financial decisions. My ego driven marriage and financial failures added to low self-esteem, repeating cycles of severe anxiety and clinical depression. My self-identity became fueled by negative self-talk over many years. But repressed feelings of remorse, unconscious shame and guilt, formed a damaged psyche. Periods of great success never lasted. I was an enigma to family and friends. A smart, hardworking, compassionate woman who helped many people couldn't help herself. Then I had a sudden revelation of self-awareness twelve years ago. I discovered my true nature. In spite of all my flaws, I had a dramatic vision that changed my life. In a moment of a powerful conscious awareness, I realized that I am a spiritual being living on this earth for a divine purpose. I realized that we are all here as extensions of the omnipotent creative force of our universe that some refer to as Source Energy or God. I was freed of long lasting depressions and suicidal ideation. For my readers who are living in a state of shame and guilt I wish to let you know it is never too late to stop the torment of your lying mind and feel sustainable joy. To know your true worth. As an adult I had noble strengths and ideals. I devoted myself to the betterment of others. Yet I punished myself by making comparisons to others. I felt I was never good enough. Overachieving was a sickness in itself. Loss of my fortunes, married six times, a rebel in my own family and community, was a path I eventually trudged alone and bereft. My familial culture and religious conditioning, and many of my lifelong beliefs betrayed me. I had to start over. This is the story of my personal journey. How a deeper understanding brought me peace and contentment. Through divine grace I became free to forgive myself, love myself and move forward in my elder years with passion and purpose. I have no fear of dying knowing how to truly live. Being here now, allowing and accepting each moment, is better than all my ambitious doings. This is a joy accessible to those with an open heart.
About the Author
Susan Etchey lives in the rural Pacific Northwest where she was born and raised. She earned a degree in Political Science and a minor in Philosophy at Seattle University. Her 35 year professional writing career includes work as a newspaper editor and reporter in Florida, magazine features and investigative journalism. In the past three years she has devoted herself to writing poetry and is the founder/owner of the Unknown Poets Society of the Pacific Northwest. This is Susan's first book.