Become Smartyr not a Martyr
How to hypnotize yourself in 20 minutes to change your mind and fulfil your dreams
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The Martyr “Without mercy, the voice inside my head tells me, ‘nobody cares, and if I am to feel loved and valued, I must do whatever it is they want me to do. Then, I can tell myself, I am good, and I will be liked, and I will feel valued.’ However, the berating persists, living rent-free in my mind telling me, ‘however much I do, I’m not doing enough or making a big enough difference, and no-one values how much I am doing’. Finally, left feeling unappreciated, I’m now overwhelmed, resentful, bitter and confused, I’m enraged. I scream inside myself, ‘it’s not fair! what about me! I hate you! Am I not worth something!?’ But this suffering is short-lived because feeling ashamed, and guilty for wanting something for myself, makes me appease and atone for feeling this way. Once again, the internal distortions start all over. A new drama and voice inside, reminds me, again and again, ‘I’m the only one who can make things better!’ Worthy intentions spoiled, by its adversarial tone, spinning like a non-stop tumble dryer ruining everything and reinforcing the evidence that, ‘no one cares, I’m rubbish, I’m not good enough, and there must be something wrong with me’.” The Smartyr “As a smartyr, I believe my purpose in life is for the development of more consciousness, freedom and order as I believe that is the fundamental expression of my creativity and an affirmation of my self-worth. I do not believe luck happens to me; instead, I believe in being the cause and creator of my life rather than the effect of it. I work on noticing chance opportunities to develop my skills that aid the free expression of my creativity. Despite the ordinariness of life, I do not feel the need to chase anything as I already make an interesting life. I adopt a positive mentality and enjoy the rewards of my autonomy as I feel in control of my life. My smartyr Self feels successful as I make decisions based on listening to my intuition, and that restores my faith and trust in the world. I use my time effectively. I do not have a good day; I make an intention to have a good day, filling it with productivity, moving conscientiously towards reaching my goals. My aspirations and gratitude keep me busy, which provides a positive force in my life. I view challenges as an opportunity for learning and growth as the true test of my resiliency is when life does not go my way. In such times when I experience feelings of sadness, anger and disappointment, I keep a good perspective with the flexibility for growth and wisdom. I focus on what I can do and am confident there are many solutions and possibilities for every problematic encounter. I embrace people, new ideas and have practised the art of allowing others to support me with my achievements. However, having the wisdom to know my limitations signifies relief in me, and that hope still exists, because the difference lies in my motivation to know when to stop doing something. Understanding the difference between quitting and letting go, is, I quit when I stop giving my 100%, but when I let go, I know my 100% is not worth it. Living blame-free, I am virtuous and diligent at being aspirational and inspirational as I take pleasure in seeing others grow. I naturally engage with people and enjoy the development of relationships and feel the value in providing attention to the plight of others with compassion and empathy. I approach life through a perspective that ‘success is possible for all’. And I have the mastery to positively create making a person or group of people adopt a kindness and sensitivity to their needs and to the needs of others. Essentially, my mindset is that I deserve to be content in the spirit of harmony, and I feel rewarded, and experience a sense of belonging”.
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About the Book
We have found in our clinical practice that the victim mentality is truly a problem. Most people enter counselling describing themselves in a ‘stuck’ place, unknowingly having fallen into the realms of a victim mind-set. Whether it is by being in difficult and tumultuous relationships, or with a barrage of constant negative self-judgements, people unconsciously create complex layers of addictive patterns of behaviours through self-neglect, substance abuse, eating too much, erratic spending, loving too much, or caring too much, and even shaming and humiliating others and self. Ultimately to survive you can unconsciously fool yourself into believing that you are ‘dealing with it’. As people, our main strategy is survival, our default is to run away from feeling the emotional pain and instead, if left untreated you create dysfunctional protective layers of behaviours and delude yourself into believing you ‘feel better’. The addictive nature of rationalisation, intellectualisation along with denial places a dent in your personal values that reinforces negative messages into your mind, and which further embeds limiting beliefs about you, your relationships and your reality. Just as importantly, this book is not targeted to any person who has suffered a real-life event which has left them being a genuine victim of circumstance. Any of us can fall victim to a real-life event or become a victim of circumstance. Being caught up in a predicament where we had no control over what happened, and nothing we did or failed to do made things happen the way they did, is deeply affecting and disturbing that can eventually be experienced as traumatic. Being a survivor means ‘to take action’ by moving through the ordeal, the pain, the grief and loss in a holistic approach encompassing the mind and body. If not, you can find yourself unknowingly moving into a Victim Life Position and further becoming accustomed to staying in denial, trapped and engaging in self-destructive coping behaviour. If you do not heal through a mind-heart coherence, by embracing the unification of wisdom of mind and heart of compassion, your victim mentality becomes programmed and embedded as your personality and eventually establishes into an identity, where you can no longer recognise its origins. You can end up beating yourself up and ruining valuable relationships. You become a complainer and blamer and can forget ever having made a choice to live this way.