Spiritual Klutz

Like a lot of people in my hometown and generation, I was raised in a family that stood behind an organized religion. My parents raised me catholic but not all of the ideals stuck with me as time went on. There was a period where I wanted nothing to do with any of it simply because I was angry with all that was happening in my life (more on this later). But at a soul level, my belief in a higher power was there. And I certainly believed/still believe my loved ones are angels in heaven. So when self-help came into my life, I was thrilled! I finally found something that allowed me to believe without guidelines. I’m not denouncing organized religion. I know too many people who live by it and I support them. It’s just simply not for me. I love the freedom being “spiritual” brings to the table! I’d be lying, though, if I said I never felt like a fraud calling myself spiritual. When I hear/speak/read the word, I automatically get an image in my head, to this day, of someone wearing mala beads, doing the tree pose, and moving lightly on their feet as if they were floating. In that space, they are the best at meditating, they never have a bad day, and they walk around with this aura of gold and light surrounding them. That’s so not me. And it’s probably not you, either. But our ego has a way of sabotaging us to keep us safe. Calling ourselves something that may leave us open and vulnerable to others’ criticism screams “DANGER! DANGER!” to our ego and in it swoops to save the day by placing these stereotypes in our mind’s eye. Truthfully, I’m far from someone who “looks” the spiritual part. I wear athletic gear or sweatpants at least 90% of the time, my hair is either in a crazy bun or down and messy, and my clothes probably have dog hair all over them. I’m a giant goofball and a huge klutz on my feet. I’m going to go ahead and guess “graceful” is far from the first word people think of when my name pops up. Shoot, it’s definitely not the first word I use to describe myself! But I’m an old soul. I’m kind, generous, loving, funny, and I truly believe that I am guided by the Universe every single day. As you’ve read in my experiences throughout this book, I was far from perfect in manifesting my desires in the different areas of my life. I love meditation but I don’t get to it every day like I “should.” I am pretty much a pansy and never do anything to seriously rock the boat but I also have an inner rebel that wants to break free when it comes to the rules of life. I’m not talking breaking laws and crazy stuff like that, but let’s just say when you place constraints on me I get a little testy. But that testy side is always settled down by my calm, inner spirit after a moment of reflection. And when I say “inner” I mean deep, deep within. I’m really good at becoming aware of where I am mentally and pivoting to a new point of view. Through all of this, I learned one major lesson: Being spiritual isn’t a look or a “should”; It’s a feeling and a lifestyle. People like Gabby Bernstein and Jen Sincero, who are writers I so admire, are far from perfect humans. But they don’t pretend to be. I’ll never forget reading the introduction to Gabby’s The Universe Has Your Back and thinking “wow, she has moments, too, where even after all of her spiritual teachings, she breaks down.” It’s not that I want these people to break down. I just feel so much better and enjoy when people show how human they really are.