One Day, One Life

My name is David. I am a man and an alcoholic. A sober one, for today anyway. It took me many years of reckless drinking to work out I have a better chance of life if I don’t pick up that first drink. Getting sober was a brutal necessity and now it’s a daily choice. A way of life, a space between the stimulus and the behavior. A gift. When I’m sober, I don’t think snorting thousands of dollars of cocaine is an amazing idea and when I’m sober, I don’t spend a bank roll on strippers and hookers. When I’m sober I eat properly and sleep well and exercise. When I’m sober, I don’t get in fights or punch out walls and when I’m sober there is far less damage, waste and degradation. When I’m sober I seek out like minded healthier individuals. Generally, when sober, I can look in the mirror and smile at the man staring back. Generally. Not all the time. And the journey into my loss and the journey out of my loss has taught me many things. About myself. And life. This is a small book. A collection of my thoughts and musings. It follows no order and it is not written in the classical sense. I’m not an expert or a scholar or even an academic. I’m not an author, more like a survivor firing words from a gun. I’m not an example. If I could call myself anything, I would be an observer. I’m good at watching and listening and reading, and then, adapting. I’ve tried lots of things, done lots of things. Son, brother, friend, husband, father, lover, partner. Made so many mistakes I stopped counting in my twenties. But the scars I earned and the blood I spilled has been the clarity in my adaptation. I liken myself to a survivor of war. My own war. And what I have observed is, that peace is a far more palatable dish than war. And to gain my own peace I have adapted to my observations. And when all is said and done, It doesn’t matter. Observation has shown me that most of what I was taught, most of my belief systems and values and ethics have created dissatisfaction, resentment and ultimately, fear. And fear creates anxiety and anxiety is like a piece of blue litmus paper soaking up fear. And I live in a world that prospers on fear. Fear of failure. Fear of going without. And the Western world survives on selling the fear of going without, via a method of propaganda, to sell products that do not remove the fear but make us more fearful, more unwell. Trinkets and baubles and feathers. This is the myth; The more I gather and own will make me well. And my reality, was the exact opposite, a polar cap apart, because the more I owned the sicker I became. And the more I tried to gather, made me even sicker, and I was unable to see the pause and the gap between the stimulus and the behavior. I was blind. So I had to learn to let go…. And when I let go silence ensued, and the silence in the pause was my redemption. And the silence was that quiet inner voice, who I choose to call God, God was in me and not an outside entity. And when I stopped searching, I started listening….and paused. Aaah peace, sweet clarity in the peace. This is not a book on goal setting or leadership, as most goal setting books for me are a contradiction. Not all but most, as the majority actually feed the fear. They make us feel bad about ourselves, because positive affirmations and goal setting manuals loudly trumpet to the unschooled: “You are not good enough!” Goal setting assumes you start from a position of failure and future want, therefore positive affirmations become negative confirmations. A conundrum. They sell a secret or a promise that can only be achieved if you follow an aspirational ‘Ten Great Steps’ to redemption and untold wealth. And the redemption promised is in fact a curse and not a path to Nirvana! Catch 22. Bingo and a bango! So… For something completely new and different, This book is not telling you to be anything or do anything and it’s not telling you to seek out the truth. It is not chapter after long chapter of clichés and examples on how to be a better person or achieve extreme wealth or an amazing property portfolio. I’m not showing you how to get well or be the best you can. What does ‘best’ mean anyway? Best compared to who or what? All I’m trying to express is another way to live, an easier softer way. Without the potential of distraction, and only in short snippets. I can’t concentrate for more than a few minutes, so I’ve written in grabs. And once you read something, the message can be passed on in a few short sentences. I do not wish to write a 400 page book full of quotes and effigies, and long winded passages awash with inane quotes and clichés from long dead industrialists. You may see some alignment or reach an awakening? You may learn to choose to change from some of my experiences? You may decide to take an easier path without making the mistakes I made, and let me tell you, that alone, is a very good outcome, or you may perceive me mad or stupid, glum and guilt ridden. You may be right and if you do see me as faulty, God bless you, because that is your right. But for me, in the end, it doesn’t matter. Nothing does matter, apart from today. Your day, my day. One day, one life.