In 2008, five years upon Steven’s passing, I received a book written by Neale Donald Walsch titled, The Little Soul and the Sun. It’s a children’s parable adapted from Conversations with God, as a gift, for my son Cody. This gift came with a beautiful message from the sender: “This is for Cody. It will help him through his grief as it tells the story of where it all begins and he will one day understand the meaning of it all.” Naturally, I had to read the story myself before giving it to my son as I know how vastly different we all see things, especially when the topic of religion is discussed. Everyone has a different perspective as to what heaven, hell, God, or no God, means to them. Trust me, at this point along the journey I was still questioning all of this myself. I fell in love with the story after reading the very first sentence! Its lightness drew me in and I found that a certain aspect of it truly touched my spirit.
“I know what I want to be, I know what I want to be!” the Little Soul announced with great excitement. “I want to be the part of special called ‘forgiving.’ I want to experience myself as that.” “Good.” Said God, “But there’s one thing you should know.” The Little Soul was becoming a bit impatient now. It always seemed as though there were some complication. “What is it?” the Little Soul sighed. “There is no one to forgive.” “No one?” the Little Soul could hardly believe what had been said. “No one!” God repeated. “Everything I have made is perfect. There is not a single soul in all creation less perfect than you. Look around you.” It was then that the Little Soul realized a large crowd had gathered. Souls had come from far and wide – from all over the Kingdom – for the word had gone forth that the Little Soul was having this extraordinary conversation with God, and everyone wanted to hear what they were saying. Looking at the countless other souls gathered there, the Little Soul had to agree. None appeared less wonderful, less magnificent, or less prefect than the Little Soul itself. Such was the wonder of the souls gathered around and so bright was their Light, that the Little Soul could scarcely gaze upon them. “Who, then, to forgive?” asked God. “Boy this is going to be no fun at all!” grumbled the Little Soul. “I wanted to know what that part of special felt like.” And the Little Soul learned what it must feel like to be sad. But just then, a Friendly Soul stepped forward from the crowd. “Not to worry, Little Soul,” the Friendly Soul said, “I will help you.” “Why, I can give you something to forgive.” “You can?” “Certainly!” chirped the Friendly Soul. “I can come into your next lifetime and do something for you to forgive.” “But why? Why would you do that?” the Little Soul asked. “You, who are a Being of such utter perfection! You, who vibrate with such a speed that it creates a Light so bright that I, can hardly gaze upon you! What could cause you to want to slow down your vibration to such a speed that your bright Light would become dark and dense? What could cause you – who are so light that you dance upon the stars and move throughout the Kingdom with the speed of your thought – to come into my life and make yourself so heavy that you could do this bad thing?” “Simple,” the Friendly Soul said. “I would do it because I love you.” The Little Soul seemed surprised at the answer. “Don’t be so amazed,” said the Friendly Soul, “you have done the same thing for me.”
As soon as I finished reading this beautifully illustrated book, something amazing happened. In my mind, or more so, what appeared to be a very vivid dream, I saw an image of Steven and I in heaven, or, at least, what I dreamt heaven might look like if it were, in fact, a real place. In any case, I am looking forward to seeing this place for myself one day and will certainly be making note to visit this place where Steven and I shared this conversation:
“Okay Mom, please try and remember that when you are born, you won't know me until I am born to you while you are quite young. You will know the special connection we share as you will not have this with any of your other children. When it's time for me to come home to heaven again, you won't remember this conversation, so my illness will consume your very beautiful heart and soul. The grief will be debilitating and you will have to learn how to connect to me and to spirit once again. It will be hard, and I will help you. Please try and not get too involved with the earthly world so that you forget about the angels, the guides, God, and me. Once you remember why I chose to be born and why you chose to have me, you will remember our gift and you will share it with the world because it needs light workers and earth angels Mom, and you have to show the grieving families and others connected to them, how to survive and move forward along their life's journey. You can help them to learn how to heal and to make their lives better so that they too can help others and live the lives they were meant to with peace in their hearts. You can use your gifts on levels much bigger than most can comprehend. Please Mom, don't forget. I will always be with you, helping you and helping the children. Together we can make a difference and help to make the world a better place. I love you Mom… Always.”