That's Not a Scar; That's a Beauty Mark

PREFACE

When I was 14 years old, I forgot how to cry. My tears became frozen, stuck somewhere in a time and place so horrible, a memory so unspeakable, that they could not be released. I had images in my mind of endless night raids and angry rebels with rifles. The rebels taunted us, pointed their weapons and forced us into hiding. I actually witnessed their violence -- the bodies strewn across land that was once a warm blanket of green grass and wild, sweet blueberries. When I saw them, I realized that those bodies with stiff limbs outstretched helplessly were my neighbors and I knew that I was observing agony and senseless killings. And, all of it terrified me. I had never known suffering like this before. It was as if the entire world had collapsed around me and I didn’t know why. At that point, I realized that hollowness was filling the spaces where tears should have been. I could not weep.

The terror I experienced haunted me for years. That is why I had to write about it. I had to face and spill out a pain that threatened my inner peace and attempted to chip away at my happiness. You see, despite the challenges of my past, I had managed to move forward and get a grip on this thing called joy. Yet, joy is an elusive butterfly. Just when you think you’ve grasped it, it slips away oh so silently, and you watch in dismay as its fragile wings flap. . . and it hovers at a distance. But I never gave up. I kept trying, succeeding in some instances and in others, running into walls.

This book is my confession. I have no one to blame for the choices I have made. My only hope is that young people who read this will learn and benefit from my victories and my mistakes. Life can be a bumpy road. We must be on-guard at all times, just like balancing on a wire. The lessons gained along the way are very expensive. But we don’t pay for all of them with money. Often, the price we pay is life itself.

Everybody will stumble through or rise above obstacles. My advice (especially to young people) is simply this: Read the lessons that appear at the beginning of each chapter and in between the experiences throughout the book. These lessons are messages from my heart. You could call them my offspring because they are the result of a vision and understanding that took me many years to cultivate. And as you read, remember to always apply the wisdom of elders like me. I want you to learn from my journey. Live freely, but step carefully. There is no end to knowledge. Make your search for it a life-long quest.

On this earth, we all are students and teachers.