Tremors in the Universe

As often happens when people grow older, they put the qualities of their youth away amongst their memories and they soon forget how they used to see the world. Wonder is replaced by reality, dreams by necessity, and desires by acceptance. I had lost my youthful vision. I had gone blind to the beauty that exists in life and the life that existed in me. And then I was given an island.
Only when we retreat to being alone with our thoughts and we turn inward for solace can we rediscover the treasures we held onto as a child. I’ve been fortunate. I found my youthful vision again, my curiosity and my playful perspective on life and rediscovered my awe of all the wonder that surrounds me. I’ve reconnected to my soul and regained the knowledge that a connection exists between myself, and every piece of living energy. On my island, I’m swimming with a dolphin. I’m reconnected and fulfilled.
I found myself on this island shortly after being diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease in 2012. I think to some degree everyone who receives a Parkinson’s diagnosis or any chronic disease for that matter, receives an island of his or her own. The primary difference from one island to the next tends to be how the individual chooses to use it. For some, their island is a place to maroon themselves in anger and bitterness while others use it as an oasis for growth.
I needed my island for introspection. I needed time alone with my thoughts to come to terms with what Parkinson’s was going to be in my life. I knew in my heart I was stronger than PD but I didn’t understand why. But I wanted to know. I needed to know.
So I decided to write.
I have written well over 50 letters to myself. I have reached deeper into my soul and my very being then I ever imagined possible. I discovered that ones essence lies at the bottom of a very deep well. It has been painful and euphoric. It has been dark at times and frightening, and it has been equally enlightening and humorous. I have cried over things I have learned about myself, and found myself laughing equally hard. I have understood everything and realized I have no answers. I’ve met teachers along the way and discovered I have lessons I can share as well.
In everyone’s universe the individual is at the center. Your thoughts and your actions radiate out from you and have the potential to affect everything they touch. And that energy you send out will eventually come back to you. And as such love needs to be the energy that starts at your center. A love of yourself and a love for the unique and perfect individual you are. Then everything that radiates out from you can come from that center of love.
And that love is at the core of my very being. That has been my discovery on my journey. The Parkinson’s disease that wants to destroy connections has awakened me to the importance of strengthening my connections to myself and to my universe. The need to be intimately connected through love. The feeling of truly being in touch with people, to life, through conversation where people open up and share honestly, demonstrate respect, tolerance, and love is really all it is about for me.
My Parkinson’s island is conveniently located at the center of my universe, and I am sitting in the center of my island underneath a palm tree as the leaves dance in the breeze. And as I have sat there alone with my thoughts many times, I wrote. I wrote about my experiences, my life, my pains and my joys, and what I’ve learned. But more importantly I wrote about my love for what I know exists outside my island, even though I can’t always hold it or touch it or talk to it. But I know its there. I wrote because I think, maybe if I share how my attitude and choices have made a positive difference for me on my island, someone else might receive that message. And then everything will be ok on their island and they will be the happier for it.
So with each chapter I wrote, I put my thoughts and my love in a bottle and set it afloat. And like thoughts in the universe, the waves were carrying the bottles over the horizon.
I honestly never considered whether or not anyone would ever discover one of the bottles. In the beginning it was more a matter of just setting my thoughts adrift. I’d place one in the water and over time it would disappear from my view.
But then a remarkable thing happened. A bottle came back. And a few more!
Some contained very brief notes. Some were filled with heartfelt letters. But they all had made connections nonetheless.
Some were notes and letters from islands I never imagined existed. Spouses and children of Parkinson’s patients who told me how they are the ones who have been castaways because their loved one never talked to them or shared with them their experiences with PD so they felt completely helpless to understand.
I heard from children of Parkinson’s patients who lost their parent to the disease and expressed how my messages in some way lessened the pain for them.
Yet still other letters from Parkinson’s patients who found inspiration, and many from my close personal friends who are the closest waves in my universe that send air drops of support and well wishes.
The bottles are now afloat for my children should they want to understand me in greater detail, but I’m hopeful that a lot of what I have expressed in my writing they already knew through my actions and my love for them. But if there were any one message in the bottles I would hope they receive it is that no matter what life gives you, you have the power of choice to determine for yourself what the experience will be for you. You are the only one who controls your happiness. Choose to be happy.
As for myself… I’m doing great on my island. I’ve discovered so much already, and yet I still have so much more of the island to explore. Life’s an adventure.
Tremors in the Universe is the culmination of all of those letters. And it’s time to cast it out to sea. The tide is high and the current leading out feels strong. I’m putting all my positive thoughts and energies into this one bottle. My hope and my prayer is that it washes ashore where it is truly needed. I believe it will.