SKILLZ… for the journey

Living with Feelings

Some things can be really, really hard to accept. Like not being invited somewhere, or being talked about behind our backs. These are things that most of us have a hard time getting ‘okay’ with. But the truth is, we don’t have to like something or be okay with it to accept it. To accept something means to acknowledge it, define it, feel it, and then go on with our lives. Once we accept something we may still feel hurt, but that cannot stop us from doing the next right thing … whatever that may be. Feelings can change, and the change starts with acceptance.

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When was the last time I got my feelings hurt?

Have I accepted what happened and moved on?

If not … why not? If so ... how did I do it?

Mean People

We all know at least one “mean” person. Maybe it’s someone we go to school with or someone from our neighborhood. It’s hard to handle being around a bully. We may want to be mean back or at least talk about that person when he’s not around. But neither one of these things will change the situation. Nor are they the right things to do. What should we do instead? Walking away is always a good option. Walking away is a very powerful response and there isn’t much anyone can do about it. It shows that we’ve had enough and we’re taking care of ourselves.

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How do I handle “mean” people?

Have I ever been the “mean” person?

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Honesty without Love

There is honesty and then there is brutal honesty. There may be times we need to be honest with friends about something that might hurt their feelings. Maybe they’re doing something that is dangerous or acting in an inappropriate manner and as their friend, we need to let them know. This can be challenging. Even the most painful truths can be said with love if we search for the correct words. That doesn’t mean that they will like what we have to say. But if we say it with love, they’ll know that it’s coming from the heart.

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Have I ever been “brutally” honest with someone? Why did I feel it necessary?

Has anyone ever been “brutally” honest with me? What was the result?

In the Moment

We’ve all had special moments with a best friend. Sometimes we feel so close to that person it seems like it will always be this way. But people will come and go in our lifetimes. As we grow up, our interests change and our friends change, too. That’s why it’s so special when we can share with each other and enjoy the moment. Even though people change and move on, special moments live in our hearts forever.

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What is one of the most special moments that I can remember?

Who have I shared the most special moments with?

Losing Trust from Our Family

Losing the trust of our family can be a hard and painful lesson to learn. Gaining their trust back is usually something that has to happen over time … not overnight. If we have broken their trust by lying or stealing or by doing something that got us in trouble, it’s normal for them to feel betrayed and be cautious now about believing what we say. Be patient with them. When someone is hurt, it can take time for that wound to heal.

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Who are the family members I trust?

Who are the family members that trust me?

When was the last time I lost someone’s trust?

Reacting

It’s common for people to get angry and react. Some of us have said horrible things to the people we really love in the heat of the moment. When we let our feelings get the best of us we sometimes say things that we really don’t mean. When we react to our feelings too quickly, we are not only hurting others ... we are also hurting ourselves. When we take the time to calm down and maybe even get someone else’s opinion, we can usually handle the situation without causing more harm. This would be ‘acting’ instead of ‘reacting.’

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When’s the last time I caused harm by reacting instead of acting?

Did I regret my reaction?

What could I have done differently?

We Get to Decide

When someone is encouraging us to do something that just doesn’t seem right, it’s okay to take a moment to look at our choices. Sometimes taking a minute to think can be the difference between a good decision and a bad decision. As we begin to take responsibility for our own lives, it will be our choices that determine what’s important to us. We can decide for ourselves or have others decide for us.

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Why is it important to stand by our own choices?

When is it okay to let someone else make the decisions?

Without Judgment

When we forgive others for something, a simple ... “I accept your apology” will do. If we need to remind others of how horrible they were first, then we’re missing the point. Forgiveness is about compassion and humility. Not judgment and arrogance. When others ask for forgiveness, they are acknowledging their wrongs and are trying to mend the situation. If we’re not ready to accept the apology, well, that’s okay. Let people learn their own lessons without judging them ... just as we have.

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Why is judgment such a negative thing?

Who have I judged recently? Why did I do this?