Curly Dish Pig Tales

A pocketful of peanuts and pants full of penis Or just where the fuck did that testosterone that made me hard for women come from. And is it unjust that as young men that we have to walk around with a handicap of either a limp dick or a limp in our ability to walk straight because of the hard thing in our genes, (sorry jeans). Peanuts may be but small bikkies (crumbs from biscuits for youse un Australian types, lets face it if you have the whole thing they are referred to as whole) to a pretended evolved monkey but if you have an endless supply then, as they say, you are in. You may ask just why a boy may be satisfied believing so strongly in such things that arise and die in a boy’s nether region protection clothing, but then you may not be a boy, or have never been a boy and maybe you have no idea of what it is like being such a boy and understand what it is like to have such small things like testicles wishing to drop from your torso and so dangling around your legs, that can cause such weighty bearings on your thinking. Let alone your ability for self protection, let’s face it they are a hindrance to many sports and way too vulnerable. Some things I can help you with if you want to understand the universe, but some things are driven by a higher power and I know for a fact, that personally I have absolutely no control over many things, in fact I tend to control not a single dam thing. Most things in fact are uncontrollable and I would even go as far to try to be pure enough to realise most people have no real control at all. But then explaining a boys mind is just not a subject found in any university rocket science 101 curriculums. Our evolution is quite simple really; have peanuts will travel, have penis will travel further. Such things we ponder over but then we probably really haven’t quite given a fuck yet enough to think about such things that may govern the lives of others. They are but questions and why bother with such things as queries when we have a life of our own to consider? We could consider many plausible possibilities in our life or we could just wash over these things as we do our laundry if we were so inclined to do such things; but I must say that I get a certain smile to have a bag of peanuts in my pocket. Chestnuts are better but rarer, cashews are good but cost more money and of course the best of all is having a girl suck on your own nuts as you lick pecans doused in praline parfait from her pussy. Of course that has never happened to me but I am not dead yet. They say you can get anything you want in Bankok, Manila or Saigon, but then they say a lot of things that do not turn out as good as the story. Laundry is a funny thing, I do it when it is absolutely necessary but I have a girlfriend at the moment who will come home at three in the morning after a nineteen hour double shift and not be able to kiss me hello until she has done the laundry; by hand. (PS by the way this did not last, I married said girl and the woman when she was wife had rules of her own that were more for me to adhere to than her) Dirty laundry is the only type worth doing, because why would you clean something that has no need for such attention and would you bother to notice if there were not a woman in your life to make you pay consideration. But then you may be gay and happy and clean, shaven and nicely smelling. So I have questions not about your sexuality but your laundry habits. Are you man enough or are you woman enough to hear about all this. I think not because I suspect that you just exuded hormones strong enough to keep a satellite in orbit, or even your own planet on a path of sorts. There is that very sad boy’s joke about how to make a hormone, but of course, you just punch her in the tits. You must realise that unless you have paid too much money for the priveledge and you are a man with balls you will be getting a kick in the nuts soon enough. Either way you are a complete arsehole and if you do not adhere to societies rules you may find yourself behind bars and deserve to have your bad sense of humour tickled by male sisters in the nearest penitentiary. You may be wondering about the connection between washing machines and hormones, but there is one tentative one. A physical connection as it turns out but then you may have pondered such things and know all the answers that the universe seeks. Or why are there so many perfectly good washing machine lids found in dump sites around the world that could be useful with just a straightening out and a quick lick of paint. How do you get beaten up so much that you need to be replaced so as to be a perfectly proper plastic replica of a man’s original part, and not really a replica, but just something going through the motions for you. I am talking about the myth that women really get off on sitting on washing machines as they clean their clothes of course. They are metal or once were, and even now are strong plastic things that should not be beaten or thrashed as much as other rubber things designed for the pleasure. Why can just one part of a machine be held in such high regard by women that it can be worn out and need to be replaced? But then the proper and original object of the desires usually only needs a kick up the arse or some drugs to stir it back into action, that is exactly why men developed Viagra as well as many other drugs designed to keep women happy and sated. The washing machine will always need new replacement lids if it is to be used and abused and it will never penetrate quite as well as will the real object of women’s desires. Besides I reckon that tongues must be much more pleasant to the touch. And why are there so many slightly used vibrators discarded and wrapped in alternative newspaper just because the batteries went dead and the owners could not bring themselves to ask someone how to replace the dead power source. Why alternative newspaper, well that is easy, it manages to keep the investigators off the track. It is not easy to find just where the power source lives and can be replaced in an electrical tool, and just how you can open that tomb, so that it can again continue to move you to pleasure. Double ended dildos not being an exception because it would seem that having two heads, sometimes conjoined vaginas and four breasts does not make it any easier to replace batteries. I have it on reliance of a good source that dead dildos and vibrators are commonly found discarded at refuse points. It maybe that the device did not live up to one’s expectations and so was discarded, but like discarded SIM cards with money on the clock, you have to wonder. Some of us young hormoanly ravished bodies may wonder just why they can not get it off or at least teach us young folk just how to do it good and right for them, but then maybe horny women are better in the result rather than the personal instruction. Men they say cannot express themselves, yet why is it that there are so many males passionatly in love with women that they would do anything for and yet are discarded for lack of proper use or the education to be of proper use.