Happy Dance

The whole time I’ve been writing in this journal, I’ve been wondering why I'm extremely drawn to do this somatic/dance research. It's like I'm drawn into a hole that keeps getting wider and wider. Instead of safely leaving it be and moving on, I’m creeping towards it, and at times, jumping in, not knowing what I'll find on the journey inside, which I imagine is the journey inside myself, inside the deepest layers of my soul. It penetrates all truth as I know it so far—intellectual, physical, mental, emotional, etc., so I guess I could say it's like my body is now leaking human truths, a form of deeper consciousness that seeps into my awareness. It's always been there, but I've never taken the time to notice it before conducting this somatic/dance research (by doing the happy dance every day, reading articles, dancing with Jean's class and my 5Rhythms® classes, and watching videos, lectures, and performances about dance), which has kind of taken over my life. It makes me wonder. My grandmother and aunt both became psychologists and their research for their Ph.D. and Master’s degrees had a lot to do with movement, I believe. It's too late to ask my grandmother about this because she passed away fourteen years ago, although I always feel her presence with me, supporting me. Though I could read her dissertation, because I have a copy, but I haven’t read it yet. I could also ask my aunt about this dance research. She was a modern dancer but now she sees patients instead. She's the one who made me promise I wouldn't take this contact improvisation class because it would be too dangerous for me. But I broke my promise and took it, didn't I? She also told me not to move to a certain city in Europe because she had moved there and regretted it. But I did anyway and didn't regret it at all. I love her dearly, yet I rarely follow her advice, it seems! Maybe I'll just figure this all out on my own. This journal I bought secondhand because I go through journals really quickly. I just realized there are a few pages missing at the beginning, and in the middle, right here. I wonder what the previous owner had written on them? I'm so curious sometimes. This could be a new story. Anyway, now I'm going to tune into a virtual conversation by women about the impact of slowing down during the pandemic. I listened to thirty minutes of the recording, and now I'm going to listen to the rest. It's mind blowing! I took two pages of notes already. I’m not sure what I'll do with these notes, if I’ll incorporate them into this journal, like I did after yesterday's performance, but I've learned so much already from these women, their experiences, and insight living in New York City as Black women, dancers, and writers. They are very informed and thoughtful speakers about a range of subjects. The picture they put up on the recording included a gathering of Black women writers in 1977, wearing coats in a hallway at someone’s home in New York City. It showed Toni Morrison and Alice Walker, two of my favorites. Wow! What an experience to listen to these women share their thoughts about the pandemic, the concepts of slowness, gatherings, social injustice, capitalism, etc. There was so much information that—as a white woman with white privilege—I've never even considered before.