All loss is difficult, but death by suicide is a traumatic loss that brings with it more than just grief. Suicide leaves the surviving family members and friends with unfounded feelings of guilt and shame, questions that can never be answered, and regrets that make accepting the death almost impossible. When my husband took his own life in 2009, my life spiraled out of control for a time. I struggled to understand what had happened, why it happened, and, most of all, why I didn’t see it coming. I blamed myself and for a time wanted to give up and die. Living and dealing with the events surrounding his death were just too difficult and painful. I questioned everybody and everything in my life—including God.
In time, with the help of family members, friends, counselors, pastors, and prayer, I found my way out of the depths of my despair. I gradually began to put my life back together again—slowly but surely, one piece at the time. My life is drastically different now from what I imagined it would be when I first married. I’ve had to accept changes that were forced on me, but I’ve tried to make the best of those changes and use them in a positive way. I began writing a blog two years after my husband’s death as a means of therapy for myself. I never dreamed it would turn into something that would help others as well. After keeping my blog going for two years, I decided to pursue turning it into a book. Life Goes On: Picking Up the Pieces After a Loved One’s Suicide is the result of my personal experience and is told straight from the heart with total honesty.