Life Goes On
Picking Up the Pieces After a Loved One’s Suicide
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In March 2009 my husband of 25 years committed suicide. It's still hard for me to say or write that word ... suicide. The word never had any real meaning to me before. It's something I never knew anything about - until it happened to me. I used to think that there must be something terribly wrong in families where a suicide occurred. I never understood why someone wasn't able to stop it before it happened. I never even considered it happening in my life. But then it did, and my entire world was turned upside down. It took me years to even begin putting my life back together, and to this day there are still things I struggle with. I promised myself that if and when I survived this, I would make an effort to try to help others - either those who have experienced a suicide or someone who might be considering it for themselves. After some thought, I made the decision to share my experience through writing, which is something I’ve always enjoyed doing. I began keeping an on-line blog in May 2011 and have now decided to have that blog published as a book in an effort to reach more people. My intention was not to cite statistics or quote "experts" about suicide. I only wanted to share my personal experience, from my lowest point on the night the suicide took place to where I am now in my life. I don't have any great words of wisdom. I don't have a magic pill to make the pain caused by a suicide go away. I can't tell anyone how to prevent it or recover from it. I just want others who have experienced or considered suicide to know they are not alone. I don't proclaim to be the most religious person or the most devout Christian in the world, but I do believe in God and prayer, so many of my entries contain some scripture or quote that I believe helped me (once I decided to ask God for help). I think it's best to start with something short and simple - "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." Phil. 4:13 My story begins March 16, 2009 ...
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About the Book
All loss is difficult, but death by suicide is a traumatic loss that brings with it more than just grief. Suicide leaves the surviving family members and friends with unfounded feelings of guilt and shame, questions that can never be answered, and regrets that make accepting the death almost impossible. When my husband took his own life in 2009, my life spiraled out of control for a time. I struggled to understand what had happened, why it happened, and, most of all, why I didn’t see it coming. I blamed myself and for a time wanted to give up and die. Living and dealing with the events surrounding his death were just too difficult and painful. I questioned everybody and everything in my life—including God. In time, with the help of family members, friends, counselors, pastors, and prayer, I found my way out of the depths of my despair. I gradually began to put my life back together again—slowly but surely, one piece at the time. My life is drastically different now from what I imagined it would be when I first married. I’ve had to accept changes that were forced on me, but I’ve tried to make the best of those changes and use them in a positive way. I began writing a blog two years after my husband’s death as a means of therapy for myself. I never dreamed it would turn into something that would help others as well. After keeping my blog going for two years, I decided to pursue turning it into a book. Life Goes On: Picking Up the Pieces After a Loved One’s Suicide is the result of my personal experience and is told straight from the heart with total honesty.
About the Author
Kim Haymans is an elementary school teacher with a specialist’s degree in early childhood. She is an only child with one son and two grandchildren. She lives in a rural area in midwestern Georgia. Kim met her future husband while in college. They married in 1983 and had just celebrated their 25th anniversary at the time of his death.