Pain in the Butt

Excerpt from “Pain in the Butt” by Cowgirl

I started writing books in 2011 when multiple hip replacement surgeries left me in bed several hours a day. Blank paper, markers, and a clipboard became my tools of choice. It was as if God told me what to write. I merely needed to “show up.” The outcome is a connection I make to those trying to cope with chronic pain – a connection that makes them feel understood – a connection that helps.

The brevity of my work is deliberate. People suffering from chronic pain appreciate getting straight to the point. I am not an artist per se. But I do see great value in handwritten words graciously written with heart. My drawings and doodles are an expression of compassion to my readers, and my feeble attempt to acknowledge they may even be a little entertaining to an audience trying to cope with daily life in pain.

Cowgirl isn’t about the number of horses I’ve started or the trails I’ve ridden. It’s a spirit thing…a spirit of striving for what you want out of life and putting forth the effort to get there. It’s about gratitude – gratitude for God and Country, for beauty and nature. It’s about willingness to get back on after a hard fall, all in the spirit of continuing on the path of wonder and discovery. So saddle up! Cowgirl up! Ride – Explore – Abound – Discover.

It’s really important that you know from the deepest place inside me how very sorry I am for the pain you feel. While pain is part of life, it seems like it should come on slowly and only when our bodies grow very old. But that was not my case, and I suspect it is not yours either. My eyes are forming tears as I write this because I really do understand. More importantly, I believe I can help you through words. Words, however mystical, contain power when received in love and gratitude. This power can help heal. Healing doesn’t mean it will take away the pain. But healing can provide moments of extreme and intense joy despite the pain. These moments may bring comfort and laughter and smiles, even when we hurt. Moments such as these are what our spirit craves. Our spirit takes these moments and works with our bodies to make “feel-good” chemicals called endorphins. I call them “dorphins” for short!

Everybody makes dorphins differently because no two spirits are alike. I’ve learned to make dorphins rather easily with my mind. If I had my choice of all the money in the world, or having the ability to make dorphins on demand, I would be the happiest poor person you ever met. It’s also rather interesting how money flows through you more easily when you learn to make dorphins – for real! But we will save that for another day.

So back to making them. I make dorphins when I smile. I make them when I sing to the radio, especially if it’s a song that takes me to a pain-free time in my life. Two of my old-time favorites are “Sugar Sugar” by the Archies, and “Could This Be Love?” by Bob Marley. I make dorphins when I play my harp…or guitar…or flute. I make dorphins when I remember adventures like sailing…or surfing…or deep sea fishing…or riding my horse Foxy.

Figure out how to delight your spirit. Maybe it will be spending time with human friends….or animal friends…or cute little bird friends. Maybe it will be watching the sunrise…or moonrise. Find a way to let your spirit delight your body today. And be sure to recognize it, or it won’t count. Laugh so hard your ribs get sore. Watch your favorite show and take a snapshot in your brain of a moment when you feel a dorphin bubble up inside you. Hug someone! Hug dorphins are some of the best. But none of this little tiny embrace stuff. Really hug them. When you do, your dorphins will combine and they will make more dorphins on their own.

Do something nice for a total stranger. If it’s really good, you will not only get dorphins when you do it. You will get dorphins when you remember you did it. My favorite was giving a homeless man a “King of the Hill” sandwich I bought one day when I was grumpy from being so hungry. I didn’t have enough money to buy myself something to eat. But for some reason, after feeding him, I was as full as if I had fed my own body. That’s the power of dorphins!

I hope you can feel the love jumping off the page and into your heart. I’m guessing you may be wondering how I got here. By “here” I assume you mean the “place” of acknowledging the pain, and being delighted in spite of it. First and foremost, you must know that I know God loves me. Just saying those words out loud so my ears can hear my voice say “God loves me” gives me a micro-moment without pain. If you do not know God loves you, let me help you know this very minute. Stop what ever you are doing and read this with all your attention out loud: God, I know you love me. Come into my heart and let me feel you in my tears. Let me feel you in my pain. Let me feel you in my deepest, darkest place inside me. Let me know, even if it’s only this moment, that you really love me and that I am worthy of being a human being again. Now, wrap your arms around yourself and give yourself a great big hug. Feel that bubbling up inside and let it come out. Watch it form a force field around your body. This force field is God’s love which will protect you, and heal you, the real you.