Graceful Divorce Solutions

Excerpt from the Preface to the Second EditionSince the publication of the first edition of Graceful Divorce Solutions in 2010, important changes have occurred everywhere – in how information is shared, in the economy, and in the world in general. These are intense and unpredictable times. For most of us, it’s all we can do to hang on and try to make sense of our lives. What I have learned since the first edition of this book is just how necessary this book really is. I have a married friend who told me she thought Graceful Divorce Solutions should be required reading for all married couples. It gave helpful tools as well as new and important insights to her own relationship. Unfortunately, divorce is a fact of life. Not all relationships are forever. And when people decide their relationship is not meant to be forever, what happens then? If you are going through a divorce or even just thinking about divorcing, this book is your roadmap. You now have the information you need so you can ask better questions of yourself, your spouse, and your attorney. You now can know what to expect going forward. You now are empowered to take charge of your situation and be involved in your process.I want to congratulate you on being proactive and seeking out this information. With nearly half of all first marriages ending in divorce, and nearly sixty percent of second marriages ending in divorce, it’s time to stop waging divorce wars and time to find more peaceful ways of ending marriages. One of the ways to achieve this change is for you, the person going through it, to become more involved in your own process. This means seeking out important information before you go to a lawyer and before any legal action is begun.And just to be crystal clear, I am not advocating divorce by any means. What I do know, though, is that people are making decisions to divorce every day. And as a family law attorney with significant training in collaboration, mediation, and interest based negotiation, I have seen the impact on families of divorce when the couple goes to court as opposed to finding a more peaceful resolution. The difference for the family is immeasurable.The information in this book provides what you need to know in an easy to read, no legalese, fashion. It will put you on the path of achieving a better divorce experience.It informs. It outlines options. It encourages you to make intelligent and responsible choices. And, more importantly, it helps you along the emotional path necessary in order to weather the challenging time of ending a significant relationship with integrity, dignity, and grace.And that is what sets this book apart and makes it required reading for anyone thinking about separation or divorce. This is not just a “how to” book. It’s a very sensitive and intuitive approach from someone who’s been there and who’s also spent years helping other people navigate through the process. Whether you have a legal marriage or a long-term significant relationship, the emotional journey through this is not easy. Throughout, you are challenged to take the highest road possible, to show up as your best self, to fight to maintain your balance, to reach out to get the support you need, and to get out of your own head (it’s dangerous in there!) and to challenge your own crazy thinking. I decided to do a second edition of this book because I felt there was important information that needed to be added. I added another chapter about children to help parents understand more of what they can do to help their children through this time. I added a chapter about High Conflict divorces, as these are the cases that often end up in court. This chapter will enlighten you about certain personality disorders that contribute to making negotiation and “graceful” divorce more challenging. I also added a separate chapter on domestic violence, with much more detail than the previous edition, as domestic violence has become increasingly prevalent and continues to be more misunderstood than ever.Finally, I added a chapter about creating your new financial life after divorce and about the new phenomena called “the Gray Divorce.” This is about the increase in people divorcing who are over the age of 50. These “boomer” divorces need a different approach and understanding than those of younger couples.Throughout this second edition, I have tweaked and updated information as needed. I’ve added more stories to inspire and motivate you in your own decision-making. Stories can be the most powerful way to communicate information. When we can see ourselves in someone else’s story, then we are more likely to believe that we can do something in a way we didn’t realize we could.In the end, my heart’s desire is that the information in this book will impact you on many levels and that your journey will be a little easier because of it.