The Golden Light Within

I sat in a forest that was smaller than most,

I visited there with myself … a stranger to me.

I anguished, I ached … for what I was not sure.

I longed for … love?

Did I not already know

love?

In that tiny forest I lay down my chains,

I surrendered the thoughts that imprisoned me

with their insistent prejudice,

I laid claim to

my space

My space … where no-one could call me mistaken,

a mistake, trapped within a spiral of mistakes.

A place where, maybe, I could be right,

Maybe I could be true …

Maybe I could just

be me …

The belief that my life was cast in stone, my choices made, fortified and forfeited, stung like a studded whip wrapped tightly around my chest. The feeling that I would rather die than admit to myself that my choices no longer served me relentlessly pierced my soft flesh. The thought of letting go of the scant security familiarity provided petrified me even though familiarity left me choking, gasping for breath.I believed I was justified in my loyalty to the lies I constantly forced my aching heart to believe. I played my part so well, so dutifully, so glibly that I convinced even myself … blinded myself to the illusion I had created …

But, in truth, I was already

half dead

I cried in that triangle of Eucalyptus trees. I cried for my dying soul and for the lost part of me, whom I did not know. I cried for the stillborn future and for a past that had seemed so sure. Wrapped in the cold cloak of abandonment, feeling alone and forgotten, I mourned myself.

Golden tears spilt onto

sunkissed rocks

and the rough, thirsty earth held my unchartered depths. She trembled not at the enormity of my sorrow, absorbing my emotions with ease, cradling me in her strong, gentle hands of compassion. Slowly, subtly, pain gave way to numbness, and stillness followed surreptitiously behind.

As I sat bathed in the quiet, dappled atmosphere of my little forest, the sun’s hazy rays filtered through the tall trees and a fresh awareness began to grow within me. I felt the sun warm upon my cheek, as though it were God’s hand blessing me with grace and love and acceptance.

I lifted my face toward the light,

surrendered

and opened my senses to feeling the gentle caress of the evening breeze.

Kissing me.

Loving me.

Soon my consciousness shifted and I became mindful of the natural vitality within this verdant space. Noticing tiny, silken seedpods and spider webs floating in the air, I listened to the birds and the beetles chirping and humming and drumming their tunes of desire and delight. Every inch of my body prickled with the sensation of life emanating from the waterfall of trees surrounding me.

Cocooned in Mother Earth’s bosom

my senses

linked into a deep and eternal source of wisdom that

expressed, in a manner of compelling calmness,

the words go, be, do.

Simple words. Confusing words.

With trembling hands I picked them up and hid them in my hair. A precious constellation to guide my way. My way toward self-love, self-acceptance. Towards being me, whoever that may be.

Knowing,

to the back and beyond of eternity,

I am loved

I am free, I am precious, I am me…

I am that I am

Value-Supportive Action:

Spending time with nature is a superb way to quieten the mind, and connect with Creation. However, if you are not able to be in natural surroundings, then find a quiet spot where you can place some natural found objects, a potplant or an image of trees or the ocean (anything organic that inspires you). Add a thematic fragrant element with oils or incense. Create as private a spot as possible, with somewhere comfortable to sit or lie down.

Guide yourself into your sensory world by touching the found objects, observing how the sun, wind or rain have sculpted them. Feel the weight and texture of each object. Become aware of the point of contact with your skin. Imagine the object being a part of your body, moving it around in your hands as if it were an extension of you. If it has a fragrance, breathe this in. Listen to, or imagine the sounds that would surround you in the object’s natural habitat. Breathe deeply and continue journeying into this safe and nurturing inner environment, where your thinking mind surrenders to the soul’s truth. Listen with your heart. Visit this space often to reflect, revitalise and rest in love.

Pervading Energetic Resonance:

Love

To anchor this resonance begin by closing your eyes and taking a deep breath, in through the nose and out through the mouth. Now begin to imagine an image of the word in your mind’s eye. Allow it to take whatever appearance it wishes. It may appear sharp or blurry, colourful or monotone, elusive or shaky. It does not matter, just accept it as it is. If an image of some kind surfaces, allow it to be, without judgement.

Once you have the vision in place take three deep Appreciation Breaths as follows:

Breathe in through the forehead (where the imaginary word or vision is being held). Suck the air deep down into the belly, as deep as it can go, allowing the belly to expand with fullness. Slowly express the air through the heart centre.

Now expand this resonance by feeling it flowing freely throughout your body, feeling every cell of your being tingling with the activation. Practice anchoring and expanding this energy every time you feel gratitude for its presence or experience lack of it in your life.