How to Stuff-Up You and Your Relationship and Your Kids, Too
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Chapter one: How to Stuff-Up You & Your Life. Based on the presumption you are determined to continue being unhappy and miserable, let’s begin with some questions that I frequently get asked. You will see that my answers to these questions will make it easier for you to justify to yourself and others, why you can’t do any better than you are doing, right now. Question 1: Why shouldn’t I blame other people for doing what they did to me or for what they still do, to make me feel miserable and or angry? Answer: It’s your right to blame others, most other people do! Because let’s face it, blaming other people is easier, because at least this way, you can avoid making the changes you need to make, or deny any responsibility that you need own. Yep I agree, it’s much easier to blame everyone else. Question 2: What can I do to ensure I feel depressed all the time? Answer: This is easy. Start by making a list of all the things you don’t like about yourself and your life. Then each night, before going to bed, read your list over and over, making sure you dwell on, and visualise each and every point. As soon as you get up in the morning, start reading your list again. I call these Red thoughts and red thoughts are the ones you need to think, because they induce negative feelings such as hopelessness, anger, hurt, frustration, jealousy and envy etc. Here are some common red thoughts to inspire you. I hate my life! (A great one to start with) I’m ugly! (This one works for everyone) I’m fat! (A great one for most of us) I hate my job! (Another good one) I hate my car! (This one helps you to feel inferior) I hate where I live! (Great) I never have enough money! (The best one to make you feel inferior) Nothing ever goes right for me! (This one works every time) I’m Useless! (Fantastic) No-one like me! (Excellent) I always get sick! (This one will ensure you do get sick) I’m always tired! (This is a very important one to include) I’ll never find someone to be happy with! (Fantastic) I’m dumb! (Perfect) Everyone picks on me! (It doesn’t matter if this one isn’t true it’s still worth saying) Now, you might be saying most of these to yourself already, so examine your list and add more as they come to you. Repeat them to yourself at least three thousand times a day and remember, the more effort you put into this, the better your results will be. Warning! Eliminate as many Green thoughts as you can. Green thoughts are easy to detect, because they are the positive ones and they might make you feel good and we wouldn’t want that now, would we? Question 3: What’s the best way to feel anxious? Answer: The answer to this question is the same as question 2. Make a Red thought list of all the things you have to worry about, and make sure they all start with “What If?” Let me give you some good examples. What If no-one likes me? (A perfect one to start with) What If I fail? (An oldie but a goodie) What If I get sick again? (An important one) What If I get it wrong? (You can always count on this one) What If I never find someone to love? (Fantastic) What If I can’t get it right? (This one works every time) What If I never have enough money? (Perfect) What If I don’t look good enough? (This one is vital) What If I can’t find a good job? (Fabulous) What If I don’t know what to say? (Brilliant) What If they think I’m stupid? (Perfect) What If they laugh at me? (Works every time) What If they think I’m fat? (Great) What If I do and What If I don’t? (Make sure all of your sentences start with either one of these) What If that happens? (Perfect and again, always use this one at the start of sentences) What If that doesn’t happen? (Make sure you remember to use this one too) May I suggest that for optimum results, you combine your Red lists, as this will definitely ensure you get to feel depressed and anxious, at the same time! How good will that be? Make sure you remember to weed out those annoying little Green thoughts, because if you were to start saying, “So What?” to the “What Ifs?” you might inadvertently eliminate some Red thoughts and we wouldn’t want that, would we? Question 4: I’m okay at times, so I don’t need to make any changes do I? Answer: You’re right! As long as you are okay at times, that will have to do. Effort and commitment is required to improve you and your life and so it is easier to pretend you’re okay even if you’re not, right? Question 5: I’m sick and tired of hearing people go on and on about positive thinking, what’s the big deal about it anyway? Answer: Let’s face it, being happy isn’t for everyone, so why make an effort to think more positive thoughts? Billions of people are miserable, unhealthy and anxious, so at least you are not on your own. That’s good isn’t it? Questions 6: It’s not my fault that I’m unhappy, so why should I keep trying? Answer: You’re right, you shouldn’t have to keep trying. This is your life and you need to do whatever is easier for you. You already know how to be unhappy, so why should you choose to learn something new? This is who you are and this is how it has to be, right? Question 7: Why should I have to change? Answer: If change was taught at school we all might know how to do it, but it’s not, so you can’t be blamed for not knowing, or being prepared to give it a go. Besides, you mightn’t like yourself, or know what to do with yourself if you were to change, right? Question 8: I’m tired of trying to improve my life, because nothing ever goes right for me. Why bother? Answer: If everything always goes wrong for you, just give up as it’s a whole lot easier than choosing to do things differently, right? Question 9: “Why won’t people believe me when I tell them that I don’t have enough time, to devote to myself?” Answer: Of course you don’t have enough time for yourself! You’re probably too busy doing everything for everyone else to make time for you and you might even be accused of being selfish, if you put your happiness before others. Just keep telling yourself, “I really will do it when I have more time!” or my favourite and the one I hear the most, “I’m gunna do it one day, I just need more time!” They’ll make you feel heaps better, right? Question 10: What would we all talk about if we stop judging and complaining about our lives to other people? Answer: Let’s face it; there’d be a whole lot of silence in the room if we didn’t talk about people behind their backs and if we didn’t complain about everything to everyone. What would we talk about? At least this way, most of us have lots of things in common, because talking about how hard life is and how stupid other people are makes us feel much better. That’s good isn’t it? Question 11: How else could we feel superior to other people, if we didn’t judge and condemn them for what they do and don’t do? Answer: Of course it’s important to have an opinion and to judge people - doing this helps us to feel like we are better than them and when we all agree that someone is stupid or pathetic, we all feel good together. We feel good, because what we are really saying to each other is: “We are much better than them, because we wouldn’t do that!” How good is that? Question 12: How will I cope if I don’t live in my own Pretend World, pretending I don’t intuitively know what I am pretending not to know? Answer: The Pretend World is a very important world for most people and I agree, pretending we don’t know things can be very handy at times and when we all pretend together, no one needs to confront whoever or whatever the situation really is, that’s better isn’t it?
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About the Book
In How to Stuff-Up You and Your Relationship and Your Kids, Too, author Sherryn Chapman presents a two-part guide to better relationships written in a friendly, conversational tone. Part one takes a humorous, satirical look at some of the horrors many of us are living through today; while part two explains how we can reduce or eliminate many of these horrors from our lives. Also included is a simple but highly effective technique that can assist in eliminating the reasons behind the horrors.
Sherryn uses the metaphor that each of us comes into the world reading from an unconscious script—one that tells us who to be and how to feel about ourselves and our lives. Once we begin making changes to the way we see and feel about ourselves, we begin writing our own scripts. Taking a few simple steps can enable us to become the people we choose to be, saying what we choose to say, and feeling the way we choose to feel.
About the Author
Sherryn Chapman is a psychotherapist, wife, mother, and grandmother to eleven grandchildren. Her passion in life is to bring peace into the minds and lives of as many people as she can and, in doing so, ultimately bring peace into the world. She currently lives in Australia.