Journey to Serenity

I’m writing this book to heal, to put closure to my past, and maybe my story can help you in some way, it is all part of my journey to serenity. I believe this all started when I was born I suppose, but I consciously became aware of it, and started to participate in it in January 1994 on one of the darkest nights of my life. I was in a relationship for about two years, sure we had our ups and downs, but we were struggling on making it work. Maybe, now as I look back, I was afraid of being alone again, maybe I just didn’t want to start over, maybe I didn’t see a need to get out, whatever the reason I stayed in it and on our two year anniversary I was pushed to make a change. I spent the whole day making an elaborate dinner, spending money I couldn’t afford, to create a special night for us. I was so excited, I had talked to him at noon and he said he would be there, everything seemed so good. The table was set, the candles lit and I waited for him to get there. By 8:00 that evening, I knew he wasn’t going to show, not even a phone call. I was so upset that I proceeded to do what any insane woman would do at that moment, wrote a letter ending the relationship! If he couldn’t make more of a commitment to us and didn’t even have enough respect for me to call and say he wasn’t coming, then I had had enough. It went on and on, I can’t remember exactly what it said, but the purpose of the letter was to make him feel bad enough to come running back, apologize, and say he couldn’t live without me. I called his sister to come over and watch my daughter while I went to his house and put the letter on his pillow, where I knew he wouldn’t miss it when he came home, if he came home, and I left to wait for his call. It never came.