30 Years On
by
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For any persons who say that nothing bad ever happened to them, I’d say they were living in a bubble. A lucky bubble. But for the rest of us there is no bubble, just a harsh reality that shows its face when we’re ready to see it. For many years, I wasn’t. I couldn’t. I had no one to talk to. No support system. There was no #metoo. It would be foolish of me to believe that I know of everything that has happened to you. Even the closest of mothers and daughters, sisters to sisters, and best friends will keep secrets as the means to maintain a balance, based on the story we tell ourselves is real. That little voice can be so annoying. It will crop up, tap you on the shoulder and dare to argue with negative, self-fulfilling prophecies. This unspoken voice authentically knows right from wrong, good from bad, and inextricably makes itself known – even if it’s just a whisper. Heed its call. For every instance that the voice is squelched or suffocated, you put yourself at risk of soul death. Your personal worth isn’t a matter of happenstance, but a stream of willful action geared to promote your best self. That inner voice doesn’t stop crying, even when your feelings have grown numb and the subconscious has gone deaf. In the quiet of your mind, despite its noise to protect, truth is the constant that remains. Finding my voice began shortly after the family truth was known. Two days of feeling catatonic after that one phone call received from your Nana, and I was shrouded in cloaks of shame and betrayal that stripped me of who I thought I was and what mattered. Slowly, I immersed myself into the routine of raising a family under the auspices of what I thought I knew. Though the truth made an impression that couldn’t be washed away with time or a renewed purpose on staying zealously busy. Before long, I realized that I had been living in a world of what I thought I was supposed to be while suffocating who I truly was. A strange mix of nausea and restlessness that I couldn’t express, mentally or physically, kept me quietly listless as the night wore on. Whisking through winding curves that carved a natural border to the ocean in the nearby distance, my head bobbed indiscriminately. I wanted to open the window to let the fresh air in but harnessing any bodily control was impossible. With each minute that passed, my ability to focus on the here and now washed away, replaced with an eerie confusion. Reality flickered like an old black and white film whose pictures appeared as still photos rather than a continuous sequence of story. I fought the sleepiness that invaded, as the car turned down a private road that had no lights. We stopped and Danny opened the door, holding me as I leaned on him like a wounded soldier. My hips, knees, and shins hit furniture, though the pain wasn’t as jarring as the contact. And even that was numbed. He ushered me from room to room in the dark. I was pushed onto a bed. I have no idea how long the assault lasted. Consciousness slipped me from a state of knowing. Throughout the evening, I awoke to him on me, in me, hurting me. When it ended, I could not say for sure. The warmth of the morning light didn’t sooth. It shocked like an electric current, falling onto a dead circuit. I didn’t know where I was.
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About the Book
What if what happened to you, as a woman, doesn’t matter anymore? In order to get past emotional and sexual trauma, it takes the will to let go of learned thought patterns that keep us in harm’s way. Louisa Hutchins brings testament to an emotionally charged past. A tell-all written to her daughter, whom she fears has also been sexually victimized in her own life. The 30 Years On chronicles Hutchins’ own struggles growing up in a narcissistic family embedded in the entertainment industry and throughout her career in a male-dominating workforce, before sexual harassment policies and #MeToo existed. Through these colorful, hidden tales of pain, deceit, and betrayal that reigned for three decades, she unleashes misperceptions about self, the world around her, and the toxic environments that fueled her ultimate triumph. Whether you or someone you know lives with family secrets, experiences reminders of unspeakable moments through prophetic dreams, or faces the triggers of trauma day-to-day, the 8 Essentials to Living with Legacy of Trauma, revealed in this book, can put the pain to rest. The hope is to guide women, to change the way we see trauma and how we allow it to define us.
About the Author
Louisa Hutchins writes realistic fiction for women who are in search of personal empowerment against the odds of society’s misgivings. This book, 30 Years On, is the first in a three-book series. With more than 30 years working as a marketing and broadcast writer, she decided to focus on creating ideologies and anecdotes that better serve women and their quest for self-actualization. Her father’s creative work required multiple relocations of the family every few years, from the Northeast to the Midwest, ultimately settling in the Southwest. These experiences helped spur Louisa’s love for people in their unique emotional intricacies and life perceptions. At the age of 12, she began to write from a place of knowing it was tied to spiritual life purpose. After years crafting vital information and stories surrounding health, wellness, and substance addiction, Louisa also sought and received a CTSS designation, a Certified Trauma Support Specialist. In her off hours, you’ll likely find Louisa on a trail run in the desert, a hike amongst a faraway forest, listening to jazz, classical and rock ‘n roll music, or enjoying a conversation with a loved one. And if you ask her, everything is better with chocolate. Join the Louisa Hutchins social community on https://www.facebook.com/BetterLifeImagined and Instagram #betterlifeimagined.