YOUR RITE OF PASSAGE

Did I foresee this? Her only “heads’ up” instruction to me about her care as an aging senior came complete in one clear sentence, “When I get old, don’t ever put me in a nursing home.” She didn’t harp on the subject. There were no hints which suggested we needed to plan or make special arrangements for such a time as this. Just, every now and then, something would trigger the conversation about choices people have when they become too old to live independently. With my affirmative promise, our lives could therefore continue without ever giving the seriousness and responsibilities which come with aging any thought. Her persuasive technique of a profound one sentence instruction over a period of time, I’m sure, was intended to ground me in the appreciation of her unconditional love and support. Maybe, she meant to scare me. I got it. I know for sure, she meant for me to always keep in mind her unconditional love, never allowing anyone to shove her aside in a facility where she would be unhappy when she could no longer take care of herself. I’m sure, she must have been strongly communicating that I should do my best to reciprocate the love and support I witnessed her give our family. Perhaps, she wanted me to take charge of the situation when the time came, rather than being influenced by other loved ones. She was simply, indirectly, introducing me to the law of reciprocity. Seeking rediscovery took me on a unique path where I learned that authentic sincerity and unselfishness are fundamental prerequisites for fulfillment. The world can try and steal these qualities from a person’ heart. Family care giving turns out to be a perfect way to find your way back to your authenticity, to sincerity, unselfishness and to what I valued, my mother’s wisdom, instruction and understanding. Because of what she has taught me directly and indirectly, if this is our final speed breaker together, I’m able to make it over this speed breaker. What I learned from caring for her will sustain me through the rest of my journey in life. This means more than any material possessions she could leave me. With every undertaking I begin, I find more purpose in what I am doing with my life right now than I’ve ever felt in thirty years of working in the work force. My feet still hit the floor running on most days. Inspiration drives me. In the stillness of each sunrise, thanking God for another day, I fully awaken myself me to the joy of taking care of all of us, Mama, my dog, Koko, my household and myself. Not necessarily in this order. The one who needs the most attention usually gets the higher priority. I know without a doubt, that I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing, even it's not always what I prefer to be doing at this time of my life. Unconsciously and on purpose, I have been influenced by her sweet spirit, her kindness, and how she has lived. She even influences me in how she prepares for her transition. As you persevere to your destination of fulfilling your dreams, if you suddenly come across a speed breaker, a divine intervention, I hope you slow down, find calmness in your direction and trust that you can move forward, even when you can’t see your way through. Eventually, although the route can be lengthy, challenging, and a little bitter, trust that you have come to this level in your life equipped with all you need. All you need to do, is find ways to master what you already have to find solutions to get over each hump. Calmness will transcend anger and rage to the point where you are able to think more clearly and say, “thank you for being my teacher, thank you for our relationship.” Thank God for giving you a person you can help who needs you, and who is at this moment, your greatest teacher. This person is here for you to treasure. Thank God for sending them to you. Thank God for this care giving experience He has put into your life. God has shown by empirical evidence, over and over again, that He has a plan “B” designed, custom-made, for each of us, if we just keep our face set toward His light. Just keep taking whatever may seem bitter now, and turn it into a gift of Peach Sweet Tea and lemonade. Of course, doubters and those with inflated egos will try to distract you, you can count on this, because negativity and ego are always there to try to discourage even when we know better. When this happens who are you going to trust, yourself or them?