Resilience

My early memories are of happy times with family and the traditions that were created. There was much joy and laughter being involved with special preparations that were made for Christmas and birthday teas. Early in my childhood I remember having a strong foundation of a love for the Lord. I knew that Jesus loved me for the Bible told me so. I have realised that life experiences and how I have reacted have made me who I am today. Life is exciting. Reflecting on my earlier life I began to see where my strengths had come from and also recognise the weaknesses that I have had to work on during my life. Over the years I have been told many times that I needed to write my story. It is my story, my memories, personal recollections and life experiences to answer the question “How come you are not bitter? In my life I have discovered that no experience has been wasted. Each trial has been a launching pad to a new level spiritually and understanding. My life experiences have shown me how each one has enriched my life. Every stage of life presented a lesson to be learnt. “In everything give thanks.” 1 Thessalonians 5:18 (NKJV) Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. Take God’s hand step out and fulfil His purpose for your life. Over the years I have found writing has been cathartic in my journey of personal growth and healing. The grief from my husband’s suicide attempts and final act of suicide was different to any other grief I had experienced. The sense of isolation and loneliness was insurmountable. Feeling so alone I wrote a poem six weeks after his death. You came into this life as a gift from God You left a gift to me from God Just what I needed in the journey of life Your love, care & concern for all who came into your path You always wanted to know more What you knew was never enough You were striving to give your best You left behind a legacy of memories Things you taught, your attention to detail Many loved you The torment in your soul was too much to bear You have gone to a better place We are better for knowing you Thank you for your life What you gave me Your life was not in vain Your death has not been forgotten Your life will make a difference to this world Your passing will bring change to many My world is a better place for having known you. ©Joan Green, 12th January 2000 The following year I wrote a thesis on ‘Bridging the Gap between families in crisis and the Church and community.’ This came out a statement made “I didn’t know what to do.” The impact of speaking the word suicide had affected any social life as I had known it. Suddenly there were no invitations but hope came after attending a weekend workshop and a weekly program. This began a journey of hope, a search of meaning and direction. Life went on but the hopes of the future had gone no matter how much I tried to keep going the pain can still be raw at anniversaries. The loss of family, friends, lack of trust, and the non-belief of what is happening for the person left behind weighed heavily. Looking back it was contact with the Chaplain at the scene and the follow up with a Psychologist that was the catalyst toward healing and hope for the future. While I began searching for spirituality I found common experience within a group environment where I could be vulnerable with talking about loss and grief. A traumatic event at the age of nine changed me. I didn’t have the words and did not tell anyone. A series of events happened before something I couldn’t speak about was unleashed. Fifty four years later I reported the crime to the police as I didn’t want to take this to the grave. I continue to believe that no experience in my life had been wasted. This book ‘Resilience’ has come to fruition after a statement “We didn’t believe you.” I have put the time aside to put to reflect on the past. It has taken me on this wonderful journey. In retirement I have had the time to reflect on my past and see what has influenced me to where I am today. My personal faith has been a major part of my recovery of spirituality, hope, meaning and direction. I had a belief that “with God all things are possible.” Matthew 19:26 (NKJV) Today as I walk through life I am learning to trust again with my feelings, emotions, hopes and dreams.