Questions from a Life Watcher

What Does It Mean to Self-Nurture? Nurturing is a synonym for ‘caring for,’ and is the foundation of emotional health. The word ‘mother’ is defined as a female that cares for a child’s physical and emotional needs, and is associated with nurturing. It is through the daily interactions between mother and child that a bond is established. This interaction is the foundation for developing self-love and the ability to self-nurture. Anthony Biglan, author of The Nurture Effect, says, “Nearly all problems of human behavior stem from our failure to ensure that people live in environments that nurture their well-being.” I have my own story of not feeling nurtured or loved, one that has been woven into the text of this book. The very premise of self-love was the impetus to ask myself, “What Does It Mean to Self-Nurture?” My goal was to understand the missing piece that left a void in my life. Following this path of self-discovery led to an intergenerational tale of sorrow and suffering rooted in my female ancestors. They were not nurtured in the way that promoted their own growth and development. In turn, the ramifications were reflected in their parenting, as they were not able to nurture their children. And this, created a lineage of pain. So, I ask myself another question, “Do I nurture myself?” My response is, “Not well.” Being aware of this gap in my development is important, but I realize it involves more. It is the attention to the details of nurturing that requires my action. The words encouragement, fostering, coaching and recognizing, enter my thoughts. These are all verbs that entail active involvement in re-parenting self. This means changing our stories by developing and practicing a positive inner dialogue of words that cultivate self-love. It is recognizing the times when love is present and when it is not. It is offering ourselves words of reassurance when we feel afraid. It is becoming a cheerleader that rallies on our behalf when we need to believe in who we are. It is being able to acknowledge when sadness and anger are present, and to respond by breathing or moving to feel like we are being cradled in our own arms. Being present with what we see, touch, taste, smell and hear, are also gifts of nourishment. I personally see colors and textures that visually promote love. I feel my heart beating, and smell the sweet fragrances of flowers that lure me with their perfume. These sensory experiences instruct me to follow a stream of energy, and like potpourri, they become a mixture that creates the belief in my own goodness. And by being present with your own self-nurturing, you can too. Question to Explore: 1. What are the ways that you can nurture yourself? Are You a Life Watcher? I am a “Life Watcher.” I watch, witness, observe and am aware of how each day begins and ends. I watch the progression of time that brings changes with the passing of years. I watch my heart beat, the movement of my breath, and how my thoughts come and go. I watch images appear and disappear, and emotions respond to self-expression and self-destruction. I watch the body modulate sensations. I watch how the sounds of harmony shift into dissonance. I watch the wounds of the ego manifest into patterns that repeat themselves. I watch as I accumulate insights as badges of wisdom. I watch relationships that come and go. I watch energy ebb and flow. I watch how the events of the outside world pulsate with its own rhythm. I ask questions with curiosity and watch the outcome. I watch how my intentions create my circumstances. I watch how I create my life with sacredness. I watch how my daily prayers feed my soul and connect me to my higher power. Paying attention and being aware of your mind, body, and emotions is a spiritual experience that ties you to something far greater than yourself. As a human in training, I recognize how my early wounds drove me to prove that I was OK; a good person who deserved to be loved and validated. This quest drained my life force because I became stagnant with a repertoire of emotions that consisted mostly of anger, self-loathing, sadness and fear. The anticipation of the future was companioned by worry about what could possibly be. Suffering meant believing the chatter in my head, and allowing my emotions to consume me. When I watched how I protected my ego from being hurt, I was able to witness how this could also cause others to be hurt. It was the ability to sit, stand, and lay in my brokenness that I discovered a treasure that was beyond what words could describe. I realized that I am the author of my own life story. Most of us will go to great lengths not to feel our initial wounds, or the emotions that are remnants from our past. Instead, we become distracted and preoccupied with avoiding pain. It is through this journey of avoidance and denial that we create our experiences to become the author of our one precious life.   Questions to Explore: 1. How do you escape from feeling the pain from your initial emotional wounds? 2. How has the avoidance of your suffering helped to create your life story?