Misbehavin' A to Z

Here’s another true story. Names and some locations have been altered to protect privacy. The Rodriguez parents have been giving their 12 year old son, Ben, a weekly allowance for two years. He’s generally a good kid and contributes throughout the week by feeding the pets and washing his father’s car. His allowance started when he was 10. He got an increase when he was 11, going from $8 a week to $10. Now that he is 12, he expects an increase to $14 or $15. He is already several weeks into his 12th year of life without a word from his parents that his allowance is overdue. Instead of asking his parents, “What gives here? No pay? No raise in pay?” he becomes moody and sometimes surly. The past two weeks he’s more sarcastic than usual with his sister and he gives the dog less attention. His parents assume it’s just a stage he’s going through. One day, Ben decided he couldn’t hold it in any longer. At the dinner table, after his sister, Staci, asked if she could buy new shoes for a big dance at school, Ben shouted, “No way! She’s always asking for money and I don’t even get a crappy allowance. Maybe no two-dollar increase either.” The 15 second silence at the dinner table was broken by Ben’s mother. “Ben, Staci’s not getting new shoes even though she wants them.” Then looking at her, their mother said, “ We’ll work something else out. I know how to dye shoes. Let’s give that a try.” Staci finishes her dinner in silence and then excuses herself and goes to her room. Ben’s Dad clears his throat and questions Ben about his attitude. “What the heck was that all about after your sister asked for shoes?” Ben told his Dad he was PO-d because he didn’t get a raise this year. He didn’t even get his old allowance two weeks ago. All his friends already get more allowance. He embellishes. “Chip’s Dad gives him $20 a week. Barry’s Step-Dad gives him $25. And what do I get? A crappy ten bucks. I’m not in elementary school anymore, Dad. It’s not fair.” Grappling with his anger, Ben’s Dad calms down before he says, “Know what else isn’t fair? In order to keep my job, I had to agree to a twenty-five dollar a week cut. My cut started two weeks ago. “ The silence in the dining room was deafening. Finally, Dad broke the silence with a quiet few words. “Take notice. You did not get a cut. Just me. You’ll get your $10 weekly allowance beginning next week.” __________________________________________________________________________________ Jake tells his experience with expectations “gone nuts.” They are told in his own words. “My grandmother is basically an okay person. Kind of cool for an old lady. It’s just like here of late she’s getting really demanding of my mom – who just happens to be my grandma’s daughter. I’m 19 and live at home with my parents. I’m going to the local Community College, which means I can bum off my mom and dad for meals and a free room. That’s how I know almost everything going on around here. And what’s going on around here is one unhappy mom and one unhappy grandma. It used to be more fun around here. What’s the problem, you ask? Here’s my two cents’ worth – just because I’m a computer science major doesn’t mean I can’t smell a big stink coming from those two women in my family. Here’s how I figured it out. Before my mom got a job where she gets paid, she was what you’d call a ….whatchamacallit…. a housewife. She took my grandma for groceries every Tuesday. Mom would treat grandma for lunch and then go grocery shopping. Then take grandma to her apartment, unload all the stuff from the store – and then Mom would come home and start supper for Dad and me. Oh yeah - and for herself, of course. By the way, Mom’s a really good cook. Well, ever since Mom started her job – which is parttime, - grandma has been miserable. Mom works on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday at our doctor’s office. Already you get the picture, don’t you? Tuesday? Can’t haul grandma around on Tuesdays. Guess who is v-e-r-y unhappy? Uh huh. Grandma. Grandma plans her whole life around Tuesdays. Tuesdays are the only days Grandma wants to go to lunch and grocery shopping. Grocery shopping is now on Fridays with only enough time for a fast-food place for lunch ‘cause Mom has too much else to do on Fridays after working three days a week. Mom’s not coping well with the new plan either, ‘cause all grandma does is complain and bitch and bitch and complain. Mom’s getting very tired of it all and threatens to buy ear plugs so she can cope with Fridays. And guess who else isn’t coping very well with Mom’s work schedule? You guessed it. My Dad! He complains about the kinds of suppers Mom makes on Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays. To give Dad a little credit, though, he doesn’t complain as bad as grandma. He even apologizes after Mom reminds him how much extra money she is making for our family. So Dad’s getting used to hot dogs on Monday, Pizza on Tuesday and Mac ‘n Cheese on Wednesday. Me? Well, I’m perfectly happy with those meals. Besides, I get them for free.” This 19 year old son is pretty smart in a number of ways. I’ll let the reader figure out the number of ways he is smart. For our exploration of the letter E, however, the above is a prime example of what happens when Expectations suddenly undergo a major change. Grandma wants what she has had for years. Lunch and grocery shopping on Tuesdays with her daughter. She could count on Tuesdays for a long time and she isn’t about to roll over and love the change in her weekly schedule. She hates lunch on Fridays at either Burger King or Taco Bell. And she hates the sauces and sour cream they put on their food. And where’s the fine linen and waitresses and waiters looking lovely or handsome who always gave grandma extra-attention every Tuesday – like clockwork? (Notice how our A word sneaked in here?} Grandma also hates shopping for groceries on a Friday. It’s too crowded on Fridays. The carts are hard to find. People are rude in the aisles. The shelves aren’t stocked fully on Fridays. And on and on. The 19 year old son added, “Grandma is being selfish. She doesn’t appreciate my mom. I don’t know how mom can take it much longer. This Saturday, she said she thinks she’s getting hives from it all. She even hinted that maybe she should just quit work and go back to Tuesday shopping with grandma. When she said that at lunchtime on Saturday, Dad and I almost choked on our stir fry and pieces of steak. We knew the cheesecake would follow. So we both yelled, ‘NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!!!!!’ Seems like Dad loves the extra income. As for me, keep the hot dogs, pizza and Mac ‘N Cheese coming.” Expectations. Sometimes they can almost ruin a happy family.