Tuck Yourself In

When I first sat down to write this book about my experience of tucking myself in, I was full of excitement and curiosity. I had discovered a sweet feeling which filled me upon a morning’s awakening as a result of treating myself tenderly before I fell asleep the previous night. This feeling was so palpable it seemed as if it was a wordless “voice” coming from deep inside me and I came to refer to it as “her”* (See “Notes and Sources”). I wanted more! As I continued experimenting with the listening practices described in these chapters, I made many more discoveries about the benefits and the challenges of listening to and following through on various kinds of messages from my “bodyself”.

So what is this source of self-soothing wisdom I call the “bodyself”? It is a nonverbal intelligence that “speaks” through sensations, emotions, images, inklings and intuition. The listening practices offered in this book can help you slow down, tune into your bodyself “voice” and follow through on what you hear so that you can soothe yourself when you need to. A wonderful “side-effect” of these practices is that you are likely to notice an increase in energy and aliveness and perhaps even an increase in availability for contact with others. For as you are more able to nurture yourself, you may feel less deprived or depleted and discover that you have more to share with others.

As time went on I became intrigued by my periodic resistance to following through on these messages as I prepared myself for sleep. Why wouldn’t I follow through by doing what I knew would help me get a good night’s sleep and wake refreshed and eager to enter the new day? What could possibly be more important than treating myself tenderly and compassionately before I went to sleep so I could face the nascent day with energy and optimism?

The answers to those questions revealed themselves over a period of years as I continued working with the listening practices of sensing, meditating and “listening to my emotional voice”. At one point working with a relational somatic therapist was pivotal in addressing unresolved childhood issues that interfered with optimal self-soothing. By “optimal self-soothing”, I mean being able to wind down at the end of the day without engaging various addictions and activities which numb or distract from what is too uncomfortable to be felt at the moment.

If we have not developed the internal resources to deal with feelings as they come up when we slow down after a long day, we are likely to feel anxious (or depressed) and turn to less than optimal self-soothing methods such as acting out, spacing out, addictive behaviors, obsessive thinking, criticizing ourselves or others. Even if we are completely exhausted, our minds may still be spinning. If our caretakers themselves were limited in optimally self-soothing, we are likely to have missed out on having enough childhood experience of feeling calm, cared for and maybe even, valued. On the other hand, if we were adequately seen, soothed and valued for ourselves that experience, taken deeply into our bodyself and embodied likely became a self-soothing resource for the rest (no pun intended!) of our lives. The good news is that as adults we get another chance to learn to optimally self-soothe by implementing these listening practices and by working through various issues that give rise to resistance to hearing bodyself messages. In the end, listening and responding to this “voice” is all about relationship: embodying the experience of being faithfully listened to by another we can come to listen to ourselves with more curiosity and compassion.

Integration of feelings from past trauma and loss in the presence of another helped anchor me more deeply in my somatic experience of the present. In turn, the listening practices were central in building support for this integrative process. And with time, I found myself living more in the whole-hearted bodyself moment of the present and less through a constricted protective response from the past. When I could check in with my bodyself voice, I had more of a choice about how I treated myself. My goal is to balance the “Let’s Go!”* striving, full speed ahead mode, which can numb me to its cost to my somatic awareness as well as hinder relationship intimacy, with the “Let Go . .” easing, which comes when I slow down, savor the moment, and allow the “larger picture” to emerge. When we can experience whatever feelings come up and let them go, when we can grieve our losses and treat ourselves and others with compassion, we are more likely to be living in synch with our bodyself voice.

This book can be used as a guide to living in concert with this deep source of wisdom, your bodyself voice. Thereby you can become more choiceful about the speed and sensitivity with which you live. You may discover how your resistance to slowing down is held in your body and what creative purpose that resistance originally served. Offered herein are ways to approach meeting that resistance even when it is in service of suppressing the emotional fall-out from unresolved trauma, loss or chronically strained relationships. If you do not have unresolved issues that are getting in the way of optimal self-soothing, you can fully benefit from the chapters on the listening practices. Sensing and meditation can be enough to optimize your capacity to listen to your bodyself voice and follow through on what you hear. To that end, my CD is available through my website, tuckyouselfin.com, to guide you in this experience. If you suspect you have some “unfinished business” from past relationships or unresolved trauma you might consider consulting a therapist to maximize the benefit of the listening practices. Perhaps the account of my work on a childhood abandonment trauma will encourage you to look at what may be unresolved for you so you too can live more bodymindfully!