Unpixelated
Bringing My Life into Focus
by
Book Cover & Preview Text
WHY DIDN'T I TELL?? Right at that very first moment, why didn't I just tell what happened? What is in our training, our genetics, our female wiring that makes it so easy for males to lay the shame and blame on us? Yes, I was young, small and very scared of my bully brother. But he was forever emboldened by my silence that day. It would be the beginning of a childhood filled with daily abuse, physical, mental and emotional as well as sexual. I was ugly and weak, stupid and fat, just a girl that could do nothing and was nothing. My question, still to this day is, why was it so easy for me to believe him? I accepted his every abuse and indignity as if it were fact. But, my brother was also encouraged by his doting mother. For my mother the sun rose and set first on her husband and second on her son, the whole rest of the universe was just flotsam. He was the first born male and was given complete autonomy to act in any way he desired. My memory of childhood is a constant litany of 'don't sit like that, don't talk like that, you're too loud, too slow, too smart for your own good, why can't you be more like your brother, don't try to be like your brother because you're just a girl and girls aren't supposed to do things that boys do'! My brother is a bully. His abusiveness was validated by a mother who babied and pampered him all of his life. My brother's verbal abuse continued, along with my shame and silence, until I was well into my 50's. I spent years agonizing over what I had done wrong and why I was such a bad person for allowing this to happen to me. The memories were forever present and haunting throughout my teen and adult life. I tried to kill them, cure them or even dull them using psychiatry, therapy, soul searching research, food, drugs and destructive behavior. I can't know how my brother felt, but I'm sure he felt very safe knowing that my shame kept me silent all these years. These experiences, as all events throughout life, are the tiny pixels that eventually make up the picture of who I am. Over time these pixels can become blurred or fuzzy, sometimes just around the edges, but often completely obscured so that I had difficulty understanding what I was looking at. My journey has been to become "unpixelated" by bringing all these events into focus, to discover my soul's purpose and to find peace in my life. So I no longer wish to remain silent. If I speak out, tell my story and let others know what happened to me perhaps it can be of help to someone else going through a similar experience.
Select Format
Book Details
About the Book
This is the story of how Thalia’s life became so blurred because she followed the rules of others, was not true to her inner voice, and did not speak up. Through the years of bullying and abuse, she gave up too much of herself, her soul, her power. Just to appease the family, she changed and silenced her beliefs, emotions, thoughts, and prayers. Through acceptance and forgiveness, she is “unpixelating,” finding focus, and healing. She is grateful for the events and people who have helped her find a voice and tell her story. It is her desire to help other women do the same. “Remember, this is your story, and you have done an impressive and admirable job creating it! It touches every emotion that we who have been abused have; the anger is so intense, the fear and loneliness are so overwhelming, the sadness is unspeakable. Thank you for creating such a powerful story, dear friend. It is, and will be, a gift to all of us who share it!” (Bonnie Howell).
About the Author
This is the story of how Thalia's life became so blurred; by following the rules of others, of not being true to her inner voice, of not speaking up. Through the years of bullying and abuse, she gave up too much of herself, her soul, her power. Just to appease the family, she changed and silenced her beliefs, emotions, thoughts and prayers. Through acceptance and forgiveness, she is "unpixelating", finding focus and healing. She is grateful for the events and people who have helped her find a voice and to tell her story. It is her desire to help other women to do the same.