Self-Sabotage: The Art of Screwing Up

Chapter 1: Self-sabotage - what is it, and why would anyone want to do that? The dictionary definition of sabotage is ‘an act or process tending to hamper or hurt’, or ‘deliberate subversion’, as well as ‘any undermining of a cause or priority’. So the definition of self-sabotage would be ‘any undermining of your own cause or priority, which hampers or hurts you‘. Okay, then. Why would we want to sabotage ourselves? Why would we ever hurt ourselves? The answer is complicated, but an easy one, too. We make that choice. We are self-sabotaging if: • we settle for less than we really want; • we often make the thought greater than the task; • we find road-blocks on the way to our dreams; • we are obsessive perfectionists; • we second-guess our decisions or find it hard to simply make a decision; • we always put others’ needs before ours; • we sell ourselves short; • we constantly engage in negative self-talk. Self-sabotage is all about programming. It’s about the negative self-talk that takes place subconsciously, when we are not consciously aware of what that nasty voice is saying in the background of our minds. We’re not consciously aware because we’re not listening to it or for it. We can’t take action against something we’re not aware of. Self-sabotage happens when the fear of making a mistake, screwing up, or getting something wrong overtakes our ability to take assertive, inspired action. When we’re afraid and aren’t sure what to do, we often end up doing nothing at all. We become overwhelmed, and a downward spiral overtakes us; sleepless nights, anxiety attacks, depression, and unending stress become our reality. The doomsayer program of the mind protects beliefs that may be contrary to what we want. That function of belief protection is the stronghold of the subconscious mind, the single most powerful, goal-oriented mechanism known to man. I just can’t say that enough! The subconscious mind is programmed to find goals that fit belief systems that we formed early in life, and it’s ruthlessly efficient. When faced with a goal that doesn’t fit the belief, it finds the process like a worker ant. Let’s say we have homework for a night course we’re taking that will help get a promotion at work. And we find a zillion excuses not to do it. Excuses like ‘I’m tired from working all day and need a break right now’, or ‘I have to do the laundry first or I won’t have any clean clothes to wear to work tomorrow’, or ‘Maybe this isn’t for me’, or even ‘I’ll do it later when I have more energy (or time...or brain cells)’. Do any of these sound familiar? Are any of these excuses going to get us the promotion? It’s true, dressing in clean, pressed clothes might make an impression on our boss, who is holding the keys to our future. It’s also true, being bleary-eyed-tired might put a damper on that impression. Despite that, we know we need to finish the course so that we not only look good, but feel our confidence boosted, which will hike up our chances of getting that promotion that will increase our income and self-esteem. Logically, we may know we have the drive and passion to climb the corporate ladder. After all, that’s what encouraged us to throw our name in the hat in the first place, but we’re self-aware enough to also recognize that we need the knowledge from this course for the new position. So how is it that we can know that this course is vital to our professional growth, yet all that excitement and drive can deflate and shrivel like a three-day-old helium balloon? It’s because the subconscious mind has other plans for us, and those plans are based on a belief that we have about ourselves. That’s scary, no? Because it’s a subconscious belief, we aren’t consciously aware of the belief and, at this point, we don’t even remember what the belief is. Even scarier, isn’t it? Why doesn’t willpower help us when we really think we want something? The problem is that willpower is a function of the conscious mind. Willpower is the energy behind an action, and we use it to move towards something, but it doesn’t come from the powerful, goal-oriented subconscious mind, which means that willpower fizzles out in the face of the ruthless subconscious mind programming, which is like a pit bull on steroids. Let’s say that the deep-rooted belief in this instance is that we’re not good enough. The subconscious mind will protect this belief because it’s ours. We came to believe we weren’t good enough at a time when we had no control of what was happening around us (Chapter 2 will clarify this point). This subconscious belief now extends to our professional life, so the subconscious mind sees our going for that promotion as a threat to its belief. The subconscious believes that in pursuit of our goal, we will ultimately be emotionally hurt because we’re not good enough to handle the new responsibilities. It may also be acting on the perception that we might fail and feel devastated. We subconsciously buy into that. So the inner mind begins the process of sabotaging us to ensure that we don’t go through with pursuing that promotion. Our national defense department could really learn from this part of the mind.As our minds are imaginative, they can cook up countless ways of sabotaging our plans. The basis of all programming is the issue of self-belief and worthiness. There isn’t an issue I’ve dealt with in my practice that, at its root, isn’t based in the feeling of not being good enough. The programming uses our own feelings and thoughts to sabotage movement toward a goal that the subconscious sees as not being achievable. The subconscious isn’t a realistic mind, or a judging mind. It’s not doing all this to make us feel bad. In fact, it doesn’t think at all! It’s doing everything it knows to protect us, without judgment - and I’ll get into that shortly. Thus, slowly but surely (or quickly and surely), we begin to feel nervous, and doubt ourselves. We may or may not wonder where the excitement and drive went. Well, it was booted out the door along with our course texts. We find ways to avoid the task, and the thought of the task becomes greater than the task itself. Let’s look at how this all began, all the way back to the innocent children we were.