SIX MONTHS TO LIVE

What if a doctor told you that you only had six months to live? SIX MONTHS. What would you do with your life? How would you live it? Would you go through each day as you did yesterday, before you “knew” of this inevitable expiration date? Or… Would you be inspired to take off the rose-colored glasses and start excavating deep layers inside yourself For the life you Wished you had lived? (The one you told yourself you would be living ten years down the road) When the children are grown. When I retire. When I have enough money. With this news, you begin to ask yourself, How would I treat people? How would I let people treat me? How would I leave all those unsettled areas of my life? What would matter now? Who would matter now? I know you are thinking – crazy thought? Or… Maybe, because we have no idea when or how we will be called to leave this human existence, we should be paying much closer attention to the things in life that really matter now. Paying attention to the things that excite us, ignite a light inside of us, and effortlessly lead the way towards our fulfillment. If each day was potentially our last day, it gives us only one more day to love; one more day to laugh; one more day to hug the people we love and connect with them. I started this journey with a twitter post. Innocently, I woke up one day and posted on my twitter page, “I don’t know how I want to live, I only know #howImnotgoingtolive.” Motivated by a stressed out, crazy, repetitious day, filled with berating directions from an abusive tyrant of a boss, this post forced me to look at who I had become, and ultimately led to a huge change in my life. A loud voice came out of nowhere and I heard these words: “Cathy, would you be acting this way if you only had six months to live?” I got up from my desk filled with payroll reports, unimportant emails, request upon request I had to answer, and I closed my office door. Then I sat and stared at my twitter post for what seemed like an hour. I felt blank. Wallowing in a worn out ‘day in the life’ of Cathy, I wondered how my life would be different if I had been given this life verdict? I was suddenly flooded with internal questions. Why was it okay with me that people walked all over me? Why was it that every day I tried to bring positivity into an environment I was passionate about, but I allowed the negativity and drama to cloud my true feelings? I allowed my desire for money to cloud out my integrity and my values concerning my innermost desire of living a happier life. In retrospect, I felt I was being shot down at every move. Even though I had made a movement towards a better way of working and living, I could please nobody, and as a result, I certainly wasn’t the cheeriest butterfly in the garden. The thought lingered every day, in every moment I allowed myself to be present. By allowing myself to be present, I was forced to look at things as they are, not how my mind could replay and spin them. One thing was certainly clear: my life was spiraling out of control. The most organic change in me was the awareness that every single day in our life matters in some way for someone. Even when we’re feeling unimportant, unloved, undesired, and engulfed in the darkness that may surround us, we still matter to someone. If we die today, we will matter to someone. That simple awareness ignited a desire to be clear who those “someone’s” were. I wondered constantly how we would live our lives if we knew when the end would come. I didn’t know how this journey would end. I couldn’t have dreamed of the ways in which it would transform me. When we’re able to stop for long enough and look at each day in life as the gift that it is: good, great, bad or ugly, we can simply take on the day in front of us. Through some extreme highs and lows I was finally allowed to decide what was best for my life. There were moments when I stood there stunned at what I had experienced. Moments when my mouth dropped open in disbelief, while I discovered life and death on life’s terms. I couldn’t have predicted the life experiences that would come my way after that one sentence or the power of retracing the moments in my life that serendipitously showed the path behind me. This writing experience showed me that without a doubt nothing is random. It cemented my belief that all living things are connected by pure energy, from humans to animals, plants, and sea creatures. I became aware that every person or creature that has come into my life was there for a reason. We all have a beating heart. We all have lungs that give us breath every single moment to sustain life, and a shining soul spirit oozing with the desire to feel the joy of being alive through that body of energy. The feeling of true human-to-human connectedness is what allows our hearts to open, and thankfully to soften. It dissolves anger and eliminates fear. I hope this will be the greatest gift that you take away from this book.