Thriving beyond Survival

Chapter 1 We Are Designed to Thrive

What does it mean to thrive? Think of that time when you were so intrigued and interested in what you were doing that you got lost in the moment. It may have been while you were creating a document, playing an instrument, or having a stimulating conversation. You may have gained a new insight, felt the satisfaction of the progress you were making, or reveled in the ability to do something you’d never been able to do before. You were enjoying not only the experience but also everyone involved. You felt good. You were thriving.

What if you were able to increase the time you spent having these kinds of experiences—that is, thriving? You may have often heard phrases such as, “It is not the situation but how you react to the situation that matters,” or, “The only things you truly have control over are your thoughts and emotions.” Both of these statements are true, and you may agree with them on an intellectual level, but you may also believe that your situations continually provide exceptions to these tenets. When you feel fear or perceive danger, it may seem that you have no choice—that the reactions and emotions “are just there,” and the situation is either staying the same or getting worse. What you need is a different way to see what your options are in a situation. By making only a slight adjustment, you can tune your situation to thriving.

Most people today are stressed. Being stressed out has become the default way of living life. Our reactive emotions are a step up from the numbness we use to protect ourselves from the struggles of life: the demands, the responsibilities, and the need to make increasing amounts of money. Our view of the world is based on a model of drama. The dramatic curve is the formula of most stories, and so we use it to create the stories of our lives. It’s true that drama increases emotions. There is something compelling about a story with a hero struggling against a seemingly insurmountable foe and then being victorious (and in the sequel, there is sure to be a more evil villain and a bigger struggle to keep our interest). If you choose to be in a dramatic story, there is nothing wrong with that. Drama can be exciting. However, it is also a mode where we are neither our most productive nor our most creative, and many people don’t know they have another choice. Drama is everywhere—in every news report and in many TV shows, movies, and books. The drama is even hyped and exaggerated in sporting events.

Life, however, does not have to be this way. What if drama was just one of your choices? What if there was another model that you could choose?