An excerpt from the Chapter Oops!
And then suddenly you are a parent.
Of a tiny being who is a complete mystery to you.
For whom you feel soooooo much love.
And on whom you have no grip whatsoever.
Welcome to the world of Parenting.
To your new life as a Parent.
Forget about all the Parenting books, websites and blogs that you have read so far. Forget all the well-meant advice given by your (grand) parents, colleagues and neighbors.
Your child has one message for you and it goes as
IT’S BETWEEN YOU AND ME NOW, BUDDY!
In other words: we are now both in unfamiliar territory!
Meaning that your child will be using you and your partner as guinea pigs and for target practice in developing his of her unique genetic and karmic package. Or character if you will.
Furthermore, your child will mirror you to an extent that will be quite disconcerting, and of course amusing and endearing as well.
He or she will mirror al that you are repressing, all your unconscious behavior, things you had long forgotten, your own hidden childhood traumas, discomforts, in fact all emotional matters that you manage to rationalize for yourself.
Because for the baby there is only the here and now; a world of feeling, and eternal NOW.
No insincere behavior.
An ocean of bliss
What I feel is what I feel, and that is what I share, in my purest and most virtuous form.
And furthermore I sense (and suffer) all that you feel and/or suppress.
I am who I am. No compromising (yet).
I am either happy or unhappy.
Or I am in that delightful pure NOW where things simply ARE.
So there is no need for you to distract me, and/or for you to entertain me!
My cognitive abilities and my development will start up by themselves, as my brain is programmed to develop at lightning speed.
As a loving Parent, though of course full of only the best intentions we tend to make a couple of serious mistakes, that (may) have huge consequences at a later stage.
The biggest mistake being that we project our perception of “reality” onto our baby/child!
Which will lead to a large smorgasbord of problems later on.
Hence it is not necessary to entertain or distract a baby. As opposed to most adults their world is one big party!
An excerpt from the chapter “ Hormones”:
And yet, notwithstanding your best intentions as a parent to give your child/teenager all good things, developments go wrong much more often than we would like.
That is due to the fact that all the aforementioned negative influences are very strong and very well organized. Children are brainwashed 24/7 with commercials that contribute little or nothing to their happiness, and (moral) development.
In order to be able to successfully counter the above, success will only come when you have become aware of this process. The next step is to look in what structured and attractive manner you can supply your child with fun and inspiring input to give form to their need for meaning.
Some teenagers seem to get a degree of inspiration from existing religions, others find inspiration/satisfaction with various spiritual schools or enlightened teachers.
However, the large majority receives no offer whatsoever that will fulfill their biologically determined need for spiritual growth, for actual evolution. As soon as you as a parent are aware of this need, you can start to make your child conscious of it. For instance you can make sure that you offer them a course. Or enroll them at a library, or offer them a journey that is filled with inspiring aspects. And I didn’t have South Beach in mind.
You can engage your child in an open dialogue on the matter. Discus what aspects played a part in your own moral/spiritual development, or lack of it.
In this chapter on hormones, it is of course also necessary to discuss sexuality.
What is important to note, is that teenagers are (also) inundated with sexually tainted information.
An overload of pornography on the internet, in magazines, movies, downloadable on your cell phone, and many music clips use sex as a marketing tool.
And all of it comes with the commercially promoted message that says: with “It is perfectly normal, nothing is weird, and do whatever you like.”
There is even a growing group of children that use sex as a trade tool for all kinds of transactions. And sex was and is certainly not intended for that.
But there is more to it:
There is rampant promiscuity in the modern world: At the age of their first sexual experiences/encounters teenagers are extremely vulnerable. Often their sense of self worth, their self esteem is determined by their sexlife, or lack of it.
On the one hand the media and society insist that sex is “good, necessary and cool”. And not only sex, but also dressing and acting like an available sex object is encouraged by the misguided media.
On the other hand a woman will most often be judged and condemned if she does.
So, a lot of open dialogue is needed at home about sexuality, about how the family members view sexual intimacy, what values the parents have, what values your children have or are developing.