Sustained

The hardest day of my life, by far, unfolded one hour into 2020. One hour after I said goodbye to 2019, my life was abruptly and forever changed. My wife and I discovered the lifeless body of our youngest son, Benjamin, in our basement, where he chose to end his life. Ben died by suicide. He lost a long battle with depression. Ben decided to say goodbye to this world when he lost all hope. We never were given a chance to say goodbye to Ben. We were plunged into a sudden, sickening tragedy. The door to an unexpected misfortune opened suddenly and we were instantly launched on a long winding path of an unchartered territory. A path marked by uncertainty and long dark nights; a path which took us around corners we never dreamt we would witness. Was this unexpected thrust into darkness our fate? Was it my lot? Who decided that it will be so? To this day I cannot say I am certain of the exact answer. But this I know experientially…I am sustained. My family is sustained, even though at times, we may not fully know it. All humans, at some point in time, experience a definite fork in the road. Do we accept our fate? Do we agree with reality which spells it out plainly that, “It is so…it cannot be otherwise” Or… do we resist… and find that what we resist persists? Many among us, sadly, choose to fight reality by clinging tightly to the way we insist life should have been. As an author, marathon runner and health coach, always focused on setting goals, reviewing years past and planning ahead. I anticipated the year 2020 to be a year of perfect vision. After all, the numbers matched what we want to hear when we see an eye doctor: “Your vision is perfect---20/20.” On this day, my understanding of 20/20 vision was permanently changed.