Through Thorns I Thrive

When I was a young girl, I watched the movie The Rose, based on the life of Janis Joplin and starring Bette Midler. Bette plays Mary Rose Foster, a young woman whose music career is beginning to take off. Throughout the movie we witness her wonderful, exciting life as she goes on to fame, fortune, and a life some only dream about.
Then, as sometimes happens, the fame becomes too much for her, and she starts to spiral out of control. She turns to drugs and alcohol, which destroys her career, relationships, and, in the end, her life.
I loved the movie, especially the theme song, “The Rose.” I grew up in a musical family, so music has always been a part of my life—a passion even. Music moves me and touches my soul, and singing helps me express my feelings. So shortly after seeing the movie I bought the music and lyrics for “The Rose.” I came home, sat down at the piano, and learned to play it.
One day my dad heard me singing it and said, “That is a beautiful song, Carla.” From then on, any time I sat at the piano, he would ask me to sing it. My mom and sisters would harmonize with me. It became my trademark, and even now, years later, anytime we have a family get-together, when the guitars come out, I am requested to sing “The Rose.”
Funny thing is, for all those years I sang the song, I never really resonated with the true meaning of the words. Now, I am blown away by how it has represented my life.
I struggled for years with low self-esteem, depression, and obesity. I never felt good enough, and I thought I didn’t matter—I thought there was something wrong with me. Shortly after my thirtieth birthday, I remember getting up one morning and sitting on the edge of my bed, feeling as if the life had drained out of me. I had had short bouts of depression prior to this, but this precipitated what became fifteen long, agonizing years of feeling totally empty. My life had no meaning; I felt as if I was just going through the motions.
I didn’t want to live, but I was afraid to die. I always seemed to be searching and yearning for something, but I didn’t know what. Something was missing. I felt as if there were a hole or void in my heart, and I didn’t know what it was.
I tried filling the void with food, but it never took away the emptiness I felt inside. I was always looking for answers, always doubting, and had very little faith. As a child I had gone to church every Sunday, but I grew up fearing God, believing I was a sinner and that I’d be punished for my sins. As an adult I really struggled with religion. I was angry with God for everything he had put me through. No God would do that; there is no such thing as God! I thought.
When my life was as bad as it could be, while I was completely lost in the abyss, my dad died. Although I almost went over the edge, that event created “the shift” I needed to move from darkness and despair to joy and happiness again.
I have heard it said from the darkest moments come the greatest gifts, and that often it is our deepest pain that empowers us to grow into our highest self.
My life is a true testimony to that. This is my story of how I went from lost and broken, struggling through obstacles, wandering aimlessly through a life with no meaning, to one of joy, happiness, and fulfillment, finding not only God but myself. It is my wish that if you have ever felt the same, my story will help you through your thorns so that you too may thrive.

Just remember in the winter far beneath the bitter snow,
Lies a seed that with the sun’s love, in the spring becomes the rose.
From “The Rose.” Music and lyrics by Amanda McBroom