Killing Us … His Way

Introduction by Korrinne My name is Korrinne Marshall. This is my message, to you about my journey along a path that led me to this moment. Memories I share with you because I believe there are others, like me, who have encountered similar experiences in their lives. It is therefore our story; the names, the characters and the timing of events may be different, however the underlying theme is the same. Lives lived by walking within the shadow of abuse. To some of you it is also a story shared, in order to deepen the understanding of those, who are close to us, so that they may finally recognize and understand our lens on life. It is a call of awakening for others, who have thankfully never experienced the shadow but whose purpose, it is to be our advocates. It is their call to feel authentic empathy and to respond conscientiously by choosing to take inspired action. This may lead them to assist others within their family, amongst their friends or within their community. This call may be activated now or in the future. It is a portrait for those who maybe need reminding how lucky their lives have been walking free of a shadow in their own lives. Above all it is a reminder for us to appreciate the beauty of life beyond the shadow and to live in the light. Lives lived walking with the shadow are mixed with ordinary forgettable events and circumstances that are beyond comprehension. It is the fusion of these two aspects of my life that create the story that I told a man called Arthur Artemis, who’ll you will get to meet and hear from in the following chapters. It was my hope that by telling Arthur, I might find the true me again. That true me was happy to be alive in this wonderful world. However, in preparing to tell Arthur, I was forced to do two things that I had resisted for so long. The first was to remember the pain, hold it close, feel it, sense it, confront it, accept it, and then finally let it go forever. This was a difficult experience for me on many levels. During this process I needed to delve deeply into the memory banks of my mind to remember events, people and places that my mind had so carefully hidden from me to protect me until I was ready to fully heal. I had asked to be healed because I knew that my life was different from others around me. I wanted to know why. I wanted to know why I had made choices that were destructive to my family and I. I yearned to be free from the past, change the pattern and stop the effects of abuse. I wanted to create a new world that was different to my old world so my family and others would not have to travel my entire path. The sheer complexity of my path, I absolutely know, may be difficult for some to comprehend or believe but it all did happen. It took me many years to put the pieces of this perplexing puzzle painstakingly together in order to reveal the true picture. By breaking the silence, through writing this story, I am hoping that the outcome will be to release my family and I from the after effects of this wicked web, as well as allow others, who were, or are, caught in this insidious web of violence against women, to be freed. Another outcome, I hope this story will have is to assist in preventing future abuse, through raising awareness of this crime that continues to affect our society. It is time to awaken our communities to stop this crime now. Every single person is a witness in one way or another to the act or consequences of this violence. Many would consider denying that fact, however the truth is everywhere on a daily basis in our schools, in our streets, in our communities. Neither seeing nor hearing this is any longer possible as we are all connected through endless streams of media that pervade our environments. The second thing I was forced to do to bring this work to fruition was to trust, without a doubt, that what I was going to tell would be a healing for not only myself but also others. How I came to this point was to surrender it to my angels believing that I was in the now again and that the illusion was dissolved never to return. I had to remember, all the joy of those seemingly ordinary moments of my life, to review those moments with new eyes of appreciation and gratitude. I needed to hold these pictures close, storing them carefully in a perfect ocean of memories, within me forever to dive into constantly to enable me to enjoy the sheer preciousness of life itself. Those moments in my life were accumulated to provide me with the courage and strength to pick up two pens, (then laptops!!) one for Arthur and one for me so we could to write for you. Now I invite you to reflect on your own journey as you travel with us for a while. I truly believe that those of who read our work were always meant to do so……... Each of you will know why you were led to these pages. Introduction by Arthur My name is Arthur Artemis and I am the co-writer of Korrinne Marshall’s story. It has been my honour to be the person she chose to trust to collaborate in her disclosing of her life-long challenges of being caught in the web of abuse. Sometimes in your life you are faced with the possibility that your perception of the world has been but an illusion. False beliefs of the way the world really works for yourself and those you love are your reality, until an alarming event or circumstance awakens you from your unconscious dream world. Korrinne broke through her own personal wall of illusion by unlocking the mute button of her memories, to let me hear, with her, the truth of a life denied a voice for so long. The spiralling of time back upon oneself is what Korrinne’s story truly reveals. It tells much of what seems beyond comprehension for many of us, yet we get to stand on her mountains of life to share her view. A view that life is magnificent, no matter how deep the valleys are below, nor how difficult the ascent. My time with Korrinne has changed my life forever, as she helped me to truly see into a world of shadows. I was propelled into this dark world after my own sister was murdered. It is a world that exists parallel to ours, a chaotically destructive world of the perpetrators of violence against women. Prior to my meeting Korrinne I was locked in a dimension, as my own gaoler, clutching to the keys of anger, guilt and grief, obsessively searching for an explanation to why my beloved sister had been killed. I was stuck in this place because of my lack of true understanding of why I was there at all. This obsession to find the answers to the riddle of domestic violence became a quest that consumed my life for seven years. The day my sister died something in me died too. My mind chatter was relentless in reminding me of how I had failed her through not being truly present in her life for the time leading up to her death. Even greater was the pain of knowing I was a passive bystander to her abusive relationship with her husband. I saw the signs, but I was unable to interpret them because I didn’t know what they were. Our upbringing had been filled with such love and caring that we were blissfully ignorant of lives lived with lack of love, neglect and insanity. My previous life as a successful businessman was erased from functioning any more as I sought to find answers. Instead I drew a new life, as I became a researcher of violence against women in the hope of finding solutions to this silent crime. It all really began when I had a conversation with a man called Alan Elder, who had been the Detective investigating my sister’s brutal slaying. Alan revealed to me that he wanted to really help those who had been victims of violence. Together we funded and supported groups that provided assistance for those who wanted to step out of the cycle of abuse. However, we knew we needed to focus more on prevention and raising awareness. We needed to inform others, but first we had to gather information ourselves.