Tools for Creating a Life You Love

At one of my first presentations as a professional counselor a woman asked me if I thought people could really change. My answer was immediate, without thought, “Yes, I said, if I didn’t believe that people could change I would not be in this profession. I would not have invested thousands of dollars and years of study to get a graduate degree in counseling psychology.” Driving home after the lecture, I asked myself if I really believed that people could change and again, an immediate “Yes” came to my mind. The belief that people can change is not just a wish, a hope or a feeling. I witness change every day. Does it take a miracle to change? It may seem like change sometimes requires a miracle. It takes effort to change, it may seem difficult, but difficult is not impossible. Desire, awareness, knowledge, insight and persistence are required if you want to change something about yourself or your life. When you look back over a time when you have made a change in your life, it sometimes looks and feels like a miracle. Welcome to a process of change, healing and self-fulfillment. My process is a confluence of experiences, awarenesses, research, and learning that I have acquired in both my personal and professional lives. I have gathered these tools and insights over decades of doing my own work and while working with people in correctional facilities, veterans, my private counseling practice, 12 step groups, spiritual groups, friends and family. These tools have helped me and others to become more positive, creative, confident, effective, supportive, and loving people. They have helped me and others experience a richer, more fulfilling life. I know they are effective. They work whether you are working on small problems and minor changes like losing five pounds or when you are working on major life altering changes like loss of a loved one, divorce or addictions. They are effective whether you are challenged by a “cloudy day” problem or a “dark night of the soul” challenge. Some aspects of these tools have been used for thousands of years and some are revised, updated versions of old ideas. These tools require conscious self-observation with an intention of self-knowledge, self-improvement, and a willingness to alter any personal habits that limit your self-expression. These tools will facilitate the construction of nurturing, positive, compassionate relationships with people in all aspects of your life. This process requires a consistent practice of focusing your attention in the present moment to observe your thoughts and feelings, without judging or repressing, but to be willing to gather information and gain insights about your inner self dialogue. You will be rewarded with improved confidence, joy, peace, personal power and fulfillment - regardless of your current circumstances. Changing takes practice and patience. Practice includes being a diligent observer of your thoughts, consciously deciding what thoughts are helpful and what thoughts are harmful to your life experience. You are deciding to be willing to go through the process of changing your thoughts, behaviors and ultimately your life. It takes courage to listen to your deepest thoughts, to uncover and process past hurtful memories, to allow yourself to imagine the life you long for, to develop in your imagination the essence of the person you want to be, to set targets to manifest a different life and purposeful work and to become the person you love and who loves and supports other people in your life. This book is really a blueprint and procedure manual for a life-long process of learning, self-discovery and development. The process of changing harmful, limiting habits and developing new habits requires a learning curve. Every new learning objective has a learning curve which is unique to each individual. For some individuals certain learning objectives have a learning curve that is a gentle incline that takes little effort, requires no particular courage and causes little or no frustration while the same learning objective for other individuals is steep, requires courage and the patience and persistence to overcome feelings of doubt and frustration. When progress seems to have come to a halt, you must ask yourself: “What is the block?” “What am I afraid of?” “Do I doubt myself?” Hopefully you continue to discover and turn over new thoughts and ideas and then look at the new thoughts and ideas from different perspectives. Can you imagine the idea as a reality and goal already achieved? How will you feel when you have accomplished your goal? Are you hopeful and excited about the possible changes in your life? At times, it may seem as though you are not making any progress. New ideas will be germinating, growing and developing in your deep inner self (subconscious). You will be presented with a challenging situation that will pull the idea up and give you a chance to implement it as a tool. At that point you will be able to choose how to use the new idea as a tool for inspiration, communication, and creation. You will be able to make the tool your own. Over time you will be able to refine your skill with the tools you have gained and use them with greater precision, over and over again. As you improve, the people around you also have the opportunity to improve. You will attract more positive people into your life. I subscribe to the belief that a high tide raises all boats. It can be your purpose to raise the vibration of your presences by changing your attitude and your intention in any given situation. When you choose to lift you attitude and intention to a higher level, the vibration and atmosphere of your family, community and the whole human race will also have the opportunity to improve. Welcome to the great adventure of creating a life you love.